The Office (TV Series)

New Girl (2001)

Ricky Gervais: David Brent

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Discussing Donna's relationship with Ricky] 

  Gareth : It's not as if she's your daughter or anything though...

  David Brent : No but that's not the point. It's the principle, it was about respect.

  Gareth : Showing a bit of respect...

  David Brent : And while she's under my roof, she will obey my laws, so...

  Gareth : Showing respect by obeying the law. She's legal, though.

  David Brent : What?

  Gareth : When cherries are red, they're ready for plucking. When girls are 16 they're ready for...

  David Brent : "Gareth."

• [Donna & Ricky's relationship has been exposed] 

  Donna : So now you know.

  David Brent : Yep. Brilliant.

  Donna : What? You got a problem with Ricky?

  David Brent : No, no, sleep with everyone in the office. He's not even a permanent member of staff. I'd have preferred it if you'd slept with Gareth.

  Donna : It wouldn't happen.

  David Brent : Oh Why? 'Cos he didn't go to university?

  Donna : No, 'Cos he's a little weasel-faced arse.

  David Brent : Yeah, you could do worse then Gareth. He hasn't missed one day in this office due to ill health. And don't call my second-in-command an arse-faced weasel, please?

  Donna : A weasel-faced arse.

  David Brent : Same thing.

  Donna : Well no it's not. Gareth would you rather have a face like an arse or a face like a weasel?

  Gareth : A weasel probably.

• David Brent : This is the poem Slough, by Sir John Betjemen, probably never been here in his life. 'Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, it isn't fit for humans now.' Right, I don't think you solve town planning problems by dropping bombs all over the place, he's embarrassed himself there. Next 'In labour saving homes with care, their wives frizz out peroxide hair, and dry it in synthetic air, and paint their nails-' they wanna look nice, what's the matter, doesn't he like girls? 'And talks of sports and makes of cars, and various bogus Tudor bars, and daren't look up and see the stars, but belch instead.' What's he on about? What, has he never burped? 'Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, to get it ready for the plough. The cabbages are coming now, the earth exhales-' He's the only cabbage round here. And they made him a night of the realm. Overrated.

• David Brent : Does a struggling salesman start turning up on a bicycle? No, he turns up in a newer car - perception, yeah? They got to trust me - I'm taking these guys into battle, yeah? And I'm doing my own stapling.

• David Brent : Me, lager. Finchy, Lager. Gareth, lager sometimes cider, so different drinks for different... needs.

• David Brent : And don't call my second in command an ass-faced-weasel.

  Donna : A weasel faced ass.

  David Brent : Same thing.

  Donna : Well know it's not, would you rather have a face like an ass or a face like a weasel?

  Gareth Keenan : [thinks about it]  A weasel probably.

• David Brent : [to Karen]  Don't worry, I haven't got any balls.