- Carol Stills: [regarding the new condo Michael is buying] It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood.
- Michael Scott: [unsure] Oh, good. That's good. It's good to be accomodating of that.
- Dwight Schrute: Let's go check out the master bedroom.
- Jim Halpert: Stanley, I just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you? You got any games?
- Stanley: Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard so my kids can go to college."
- Jim Halpert: Fair enough.
- Pam Beesley: [Asking Angela to play in "Office Olympics"] Come on, Angela, don't you have a game?
- Angela: I have one, yes.
- Pam Beesley: Well, let's play. What is it?
- Angela: I call it "Pam-Pong." I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
- Pam Beesley: [Uneasy] We're friends.
- Angela: Apparently.
- [Michael is driving himself and Dwight back from an attempt at buying a new condo]
- Dwight Schrute: You know, you can always refinance your mortgage. We
- [he and his cousin]
- Dwight Schrute: had a 15-year on our beet farm, we paid it off early.
- Michael Scott: Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst.
- Dwight Schrute: People love beets.
- Michael Scott: Nobody likes beets.
- Dwight Schrute: Everyone loves beets.
- Michael Scott: Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet.
- Jim Halpert: [Knocks on office door] Michael?
- Michael Scott: Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What's going on?
- Jim Halpert: Nothing. I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo.
- Michael Scott: Oh, thanks, thanks. It's very cool. It's three bedroom, gay-friendly.
- Pam Beesley: The thing about Jim is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.
- Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. Why, we're like one of those classic, famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
- Dwight Schrute: A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. Now, if I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls
- [double bass playing in background through the wall]
- Dwight Schrute: so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
- Dwight Schrute: Hey, I have an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse can live.
- Dwight Schrute: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm.
- [pauses]
- Dwight Schrute: Sometimes teenages use it for sex.
- Pam Beesly: Ever so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is, that it's up to me to revive him.
- Jim Halpert: Very nicely done. Okay, so I think that's H.O.R. for Stanley and H.O. for Phyllis.
- Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho?
- Jim Halpert: Oh my God. Phyllis coming alive, I like it.
- Jim Halpert: This scented candle, which I found in the men's bathroom, represents the eternal burning of competition, or something.
- Kevin: It smells like cookies.
- Jim Halpert: Yes, it does. Yes, it does, my friend.