"The Office" Pilot (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)

(2005)

Steve Carell: Michael Scott

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Steve Carell and John Krasinski in The Office (2005) Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, and John Krasinski in The Office (2005) Steve Carell in The Office (2005) Steve Carell in The Office (2005) Steve Carell in The Office (2005) Steve Carell and Jenna Fischer in The Office (2005) Melora Hardin, Steve Carell, and Jenna Fischer in The Office (2005) Steve Carell in The Office (2005) Steve Carell and Jenna Fischer in The Office (2005) Steve Carell in The Office (2005) Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, and B.J. Novak in The Office (2005)

Quotes 

  • Michael Scott : This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

  • Michael Scott : What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It's the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17% or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. He came to me, and said, "Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?" Wow. Wow. Didn't work out. We had to let him go. He sucked.

  • Michael Scott : I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

  • Michael Scott : [after bringing Pam to tears by saying she's fired]  You've been X'd, punk!

  • Michael Scott : ...it's really beyond words. It's really incalculacable.

  • Dwight Schrute : [deleted scene]  Dwight Schrute. My father's name, also Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name, Dweide Schrude, Amish. That's my family. I don't know where they came, the Amish, came from originally. Uh, Amland.

    Michael Scott : [holding up a Dundie and pretending it is talking]  Hello. I'm Michael Scott. I'm the best boss in the world.

    Jim Halpert : My name is Jim Halpert and I am a sales rep, which is a very important job. Um, without me dozens, literally dozens of small businesses would go paperless. They would have to write on their hands, or bed sheets, or who knows, you know. Total chaos, total chaos. I mean... or they could get their paper somewhere else. Staples maybe. I don't know.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  So this is our sales staff. They are the ones who are making calls and making us lots of money.

    [comes to a screeching halt and laughs] 

    Michael Scott : This is accounting. The numbers dudes. Do not let the job description fool you, they are all completely crazy. Especially that guy, he is a mental patient.

    [camera zooms in on Kevin] 

    Michael Scott : Not literally of course, that wouldn't work. The last place you'd want somebody like that is accounting.

    [hides behind office plant] 

    Michael Scott : "Very interesting, but stupid." Artie Johnson. It's a crazy place.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  What's that?

    Pam Beesley : Wired.

    Michael Scott : Oh, John Belushi. What a crazy guy. Phew, freaked myself out this morning.

    Pam Beesley : Oh, yeah.

    Michael Scott : Yeah. I thought I found a lump. I checked the, uh... I check the jewels every month. This time... You know, it's a little different. It was fine. It was fine. But freaky, man, you know. Testicular cancer, God. Cancer, whoa testicles. So... What's, um... What you eating?

    Pam Beesley : Smoked turkey.

    Michael Scott : Oh, place around the corner. Nice. All right. See you later.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  What you don't know... Well, it can hurt you, but if you don't know it won't hurt you. Then, you can just be happy for a little while at least.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  Pam! Pam-Pam! Pam has been with us for... forever. Right, Pam?

    Pam Beesly : I guess.

    Michael Scott : Yeah, at one time or another every guy in the office has sprayed on Pam.

    Pam Beesly : What?

    Michael Scott : Messages?

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  All these people are walking around and they're happy and their lives are just going along, ignorance is bliss. But if they knew what was lurking on the other side of that fence, that furry monster.

    [imitating monster] 

    Michael Scott : "I'm gonna get you, downsizing." No. They wouldn't... They'd freak. And I'm not going to play God. They look to me for support. And they look to me for guidance and leadership. And I think if I could lie to them and it serves them, then that's what I'm going to do.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  Do I need to speak up?

    [grabs boom microphone] 

    Michael Scott : Hello.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  I think better to be a happy idiot than a, um... Than someone who knows the truth.

  • Michael Scott : [deleted scene]  Ah, right here. Three Stooges. High five.

    [Michael and Ryan high five] 

    Michael Scott : Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing, Pam.

    [camera cuts to Pam then back to Michael] 

    Michael Scott : Now, who was the one before Curly?

    Ryan Howard : Uh, Shemp.

    Michael Scott : Curly? Very good. Curly Joe DeRita.

    Ryan Howard : Just Curly. Joe DeRita was different.

    Michael Scott : Well, comedy's kinda my thing. Watch this, here's Curly Joe. Mmm. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, I forgot. Here we go.

    [Yelling in cod German] 

    Michael Scott : I'm Hitler. Right.

    [Continues with cod German] 

    Michael Scott : Me, me, me, me, me, me. Curly Joe Hitler.

    [laughs] 

  • Michael Scott : Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into Jell-O.

    Jim Halpert : Okay, Dwight, I'm sorry because I have always been your biggest flan.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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