- [first lines]
- Victor Meldrew: [singing] People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.
- [doorbell rings]
- Victor Meldrew: Yut-sun dah dah dah dah dah-di.
- [opens door]
- Woman at Door: Good morning!
- Victor Meldrew: Good-bye.
- [closes door]
- Margaret Meldrew: Dustmen still haven't been. I take it you were finished with those Sunday supplements.
- Victor Meldrew: Yes, I think so, yes; I think I've ingested all the fascinating details in a day in the life of Acker Bilk. And 'A Room of My Own' by Ken Russell. Wouldn't have thought there was much to say about a padded cell.
- [last lines]
- Nick Swainey: Makes you wonder. Must be someone up there looking after us. Do you reckon, Mr Meldrew?
- Victor Meldrew: Yes.
- [sees Patrick storming towards him]
- Victor Meldrew: Well, some of us.
- Margaret Meldrew: Well? Any joy?
- Victor Meldrew: I think it's safe to say I've had a very good day, all told. In the morning, I turned some water into wine, and then I healed a few lepers, and after lunch, I popped over and parted the waters of the Red Sea.
- Margaret Meldrew: Did the man come about the roof?
- Victor Meldrew: No, but you can't expect miracles.