- Barbara Diffy: [sees Pim's Bedroom for the first time] Pim! This is the room of a malevolent dictator! A person bent on dominating the Earth!
- Pim Diffy: I'm *home*!
- Phil Diffy: She's making me do all the girl stuff that she used to do with Tia, like go shopping! I now own at least three halter tops.
- Barbara Diffy: Phil, you don't have to buy them.
- Phil Diffy: Well, when she buys one I get one half off, I'd be crazy not to.
- Phil Diffy: On Saturday, Keely went to the mall. Guess who went with her?
- Owen: [mocking cheerleader voice] Um, her bestest girlfriend "Phil"?
- Phil Diffy: Nope. Via. Then on Sunday she went to try this new highlight thing with her hair. Guess who went with her? Via! Then yesterday she spent three hours shopping for a sweater. Guess with who?
- Owen: Via?
- Phil Diffy: No. Her mom. But they met up with Via later and rented
- [mocking voice]
- Phil Diffy: Lost Pony 2.
- Owen: [disappointed] That pony got lost again?
- Owen: Mm...
- Phil Diffy: I'm a genius.
- Keely Teslow: [Keely arrives and kisses Phil on the cheek, pleasantly surprising him.] That's for introducing me to Via.
- Phil Diffy: I get a kiss every time I introduce you to a girl.
- [grabs random girl heading down the hallway]
- Phil Diffy: What's your name? Have you met Keely?
- Barbara Diffy: [Pim is in her 'bedroom', flicking through something on her Wizard. Barb comes in] Hey honey, what are you doing?
- Pim Diffy: Since it doesn't look like we're gonna leave this pointless century any time soon, I figure I might as well unpack and find some furniture.
- Barbara Diffy: Well it's only taken 10 months but that's wonderful, welcome to the family.
- Pim Diffy: Hey, how cool is this
- [Pim presses a button on the Wizard and a hologram of some futuristic furniture appears]
- Pim Diffy: .
- Barbara Diffy: Oh honey, you can't have any of this furniture; it doesn't exist yet.
- Pim Diffy: I know that mom, they're made to order: allow 6 to 7 business seconds for delivery.
- Barbara Diffy: Actually Pim, allow 110 years. These things won't exist until next century.
- Pim Diffy: I am so painfully ahead of my time.
- Lloyd Diffy: Woah, woah, woah! No, put that down! Turn the TV on. It's way better. It's like a book that talks.
- Phil Diffy: Come on, ever since Tia left, you've been using me to do all the things you used to do with her! I don't wanna be your girlfriend, I wanna be your boyfriend! I mean, your friend, as in a boy. A guy. Your guy friend.
- Keely Teslow: So why didn't you just say that?
- Phil Diffy: I didn't know how to tell you.
- Keely Teslow: Phil, you can tell me anything. I'm your girlfriend! Uh... uh... I-I-I-I-I mean a girl, who-who's a friend. You know, a gal... A gal friend!