The Red Green Show (TV Series)

The Beef Project (1994)

Steve Smith: Red Green

Quotes 

• Red Green : [singing]  Oh, there's a hole in my tent and the water's coming in./It's rainin' on my hat, and it's drippin' on my chin./Always remember camping lesson number one./If there're bugs in your tent, don't shoot 'em with a gun.

• Harold Green : [smiling in happy relief upon hearing Red shamefacedly report that none of the macho Possum Lodge members could bring themselves to kill a cow so that it could be slaughtered]  Well, I am very proud of you guys, Uncle Red! It makes a sensitive-hearted vegetarian like me feel so good to hear something like that.

  Red Green : [a little sulkily]  Don't make it worse, Harold.

• Red Green : [talking about the lodge members' plan to slaughter the cow]  Stinky's bringing the cow over in the back seat of his '69 Cadillac. He's got twice as much legroom there, which is good, 'cause the cow's got twice as much leg.

  Harold Green : Stinky's putting a FARM ANIMAL in the back of his CADILLAC? What about the SMELL?

  Red Green : The cow didn't seem to mind.

• Red Green : Eating meat is like having kids - the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead.

• Red Green : [standing out by the lake fishing early in the morning]  One of the differences between men and women is that men feel they have to dominate things. It's not enough to enjoy nature or a job or even a conversation. Man has to dominate! I think that's why we eat so much meat. There's domination for you: man against animal, who's going to eat who. Most men think "vegetarian" is an Indian word meaning "lousy hunter". It's not smart or correct, but it's one of the things that makes us what we are.

• [Red enters the lodge, feeling depressed] 

  Red Green : Harold, if the people of this community ever find out what we did in that parking lot to that cow, I will never be able to hold my head up high again.

  Harold Green : You actually did it, Uncle Red? You did that whole "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" thing to that poor little defenseless milk-maker?

  Red Green : We chickened out, Harold, every last one of us. There wasn't one guy who could look into those big brown eyes and nail her with a sledgehammer. Guys were sobbing and they got misty-eyed. At one point, Moose Thompson asked the cow to marry him. This is a dark day for the image of Possum Lodge.

  Harold Green : Well, I for one am very proud of you, Uncle Red.

  Red Green : Don't make it worse, Harold. I don't know how many vegetarians there are in this country, but I bet most of them work in slaughter houses. Eating meat is like having kids: the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead.

  Harold Green : Well, I hope you apologize to the cow, because she's had a very stressful day.

  Red Green : Oh, you can tell that by the back seat of Stinky's Cadillac.