- Dan Conner: I put it away twenty years ago when we quit.
- Roseanne Conner: We quit? I just thought we were out.
- Jackie: Look at me, I've got nothin'. No boyfriend, no meaningful job, no husband, no family. It's just me. It's just me and my ganja.
- D.J. Conner: Mom, can Billy sleep over here tonight?
- Roseanne Conner: No! He's rude, and I don't like his parents.
- D.J. Conner: Well then, can I sleep over there?
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, sure.
- D.J. Conner: I forgot my sleeping bag! Where is it?
- Roseanne Conner: Oh, you know it's behind the house, past the yard in that building where your father always is with the tools and the car!
- D.J. Conner: Thanks, Mom!
- Roseanne Conner: Oh my God. I'm, like, the worst mother on the face of the Earth.
- Dan Conner: No, you're not.
- Roseanne Conner: Yes I am, Dan. I don't even know where I sent my kid. Say he falls down or something and breaks one of his organs and he needs a transplant, but I can't give him any of my organs because they're all full of pot!
- Dan Conner: [stoned in the bathroom] Hey, you hear that?
- Roseanne Conner: [laughs] You're getting paranoid, Dan. Ooh, birds birds birds!
- Dan Conner: Were we ever dumb enough to like this stuff?
- Roseanne Conner: Yes but, things were different then, there was a war going on, it was fun.
- Dan Conner: Roseanne, you're really starting to annoy me.
- Roseanne Conner: Starting? What, have you been ignoring me all night?