Roseanne (TV Series)

Be My Baby (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Dan : [Roseanne and Dan are trying to get pregnant]  You know, I've been thinking... when this kid graduates high school, I'll be sixty.

  Roseanne : Well, it's one of our kids, Dan, so you'll probably be more like sixty five or seventy.

• Bev : [Roseanne told her Jackie is pregnant]  Well, I always knew something like this would happen. She got married and didn't invite me!

  Roseanne : No, Mom, she did not get *married*, she just got *pregnant*, and you're right - she didn't invite you.

• Roseanne : [upset that Roseanne didn't let Jackie tell their Mother that she is pregnant]  Well I - I just wanted to soften the blow.

  Jackie : But I didn't *want* this blow to be soft. This was the one! The one! This was the moment I've been waiting for all my life! This one coulda *killed* her!

  Roseanne : Jackie, if you believe in reincarnation at all, perhaps this is not the perfect time to *kill* Mom, if you know what I mean.

• Roseanne : Oh, poor Dan. He's hast'a sit on the bed with me for two minutes and do nothing, while me and God create a life.

  Dan : Maybe my sperms are just waiting for your egg to shut up.

• [first lines] 

  Dan : [Roseanne is on the bed holding her legs in the air]  Rosie... what are you doing this time?

  Roseanne : I'm directing your sperms where to go.

  Dan : Please. I think my *boys* know their way around a fallopian tube.

  Roseanne : I don't know, Dan, I think they're getting old, I hear 'em wheezing around in there.