- Roseanne: [upset that Roseanne didn't let Jackie tell their Mother that she is pregnant] Well I - I just wanted to soften the blow.
- Jackie: But I didn't *want* this blow to be soft. This was the one! The one! This was the moment I've been waiting for all my life! This one coulda *killed* her!
- Roseanne: Jackie, if you believe in reincarnation at all, perhaps this is not the perfect time to *kill* Mom, if you know what I mean.
- [first lines]
- Dan: [Roseanne is on the bed holding her legs in the air] Rosie... what are you doing this time?
- Roseanne: I'm directing your sperms where to go.
- Dan: Please. I think my *boys* know their way around a fallopian tube.
- Roseanne: I don't know, Dan, I think they're getting old, I hear 'em wheezing around in there.