Roseanne (TV Series)

December Bride (1995)

Martin Mull: Leon Carp

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leon Carp : [having a bad case of cold feet]  What if I am not even really gay?

  Roseanne : You couldn't be any gayer if your name was Gay Gayerson.

  Leon Carp : Oh, yeah! Well, you just think about it, young lady. Hmm? I hate to shop! Huh, I am absolutely insensitive. I detest Barbra Streisand. And for God's sake, I'm a Republican!

  Roseanne : But do you like having sex with men?

  Leon Carp : Well, it's...

  Roseanne : [shouts]  Gay!

  Leon Carp : Oh, yeah?

  Leon Carp : [plants a huge kiss on Roseanne]  I'm gay. Let's do it.

• Scott : I love you in a way that is mystical and eternal and illegal in 20 states.

  Leon Carp : That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

• Leon Carp : Roseanne, what is all this?

  Roseanne : It's a gay wedding!

  Leon Carp : This isn't a wedding, it's a circus! You have somehow managed to take every gay stereotype and just--roll them up into one gigantic, offensive, Roseanniacal ball of wrong!

• Scott : With the money we save on the wedding planner, we could afford that honeymoon trip to the Bahamas we've always wanted.

  Leon Carp : Scott, I was thinking we'd be going to Greece, myself.

  Scott : You can grease yourself in the Bahamas.

• Leon Carp : Marriage is permanent.

  Roseanne : No, it isn't. I wake up every single morning knowing I could leave Dan if I wanted to. I'm just too damn lazy.

• Leon Carp : The wedding is off!

  Roseanne : Well, of COURSE it's a little off, it's TWO MEN, for God's sake!

• Leon Carp : What if he doesn't like my cooking?

  Roseanne : Then eat out.

  Leon Carp : What if I don't like his mother? Hmm? What then?

  Roseanne : Then stay in.

  Leon Carp : Scott says he's not himself in the morning until he has a Pop-Tart. What if they stop making Pop-Tarts?

  Roseanne : [as they yell over each other]  Leon, Leon, LISTEN TO ME. They will *NEVER* stop making Pop-Tarts!