Roseanne (TV Series)

Everyone Comes to Jackie's (1994)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Roseanne : You keep going on about this is David's fault, well Darlene was there too, Dan, it's not like David forced her to hide him out.

  Dan : I know that guys can be very persuasive with girls.

  Roseanne : Have you *met* Darlene?

• Dan : I know that I was able to take advantage of you.

  Roseanne : Yeah right.

  Dan : Do you not remember our second date? You had gotten into a big fight with your mom and were all upset, I wasn't thinking about your feelings, I was thinking you were ripe for the picking. A couple drinks later, we're checked into the Blue Rooster Motel, cock a doodle doo!

  Roseanne : My mom was in Indiana, there was no fight, I just made it up so

  [fake weeping] 

  Roseanne : you could comfort me in my time of need.

  [later] 

  Roseanne : The fact that I had my nightgown in my purse should've tipped you off!

• Roseanne : [Darlene, at Jackie's house where David is also staying, refuses to return home so Roseanne can torture her]  Wrong, that is exactly why you're going back there. You're in big trouble, and your punishment is not going to be sex with your boyfriend.

  Darlene Conner : Well obviously you've never *had* sex with my boyfriend.

• Dan : [to Fred]  Damn women! Who the hell do they think they are!

  Roseanne : We are sugar and spice, and everything nice. So bite me!

• Dan : [Roseanne wants to take him to work, but he is angry with her]  On second thought, I just might like to walk to work today.

  Roseanne : Oh, you don't even like to walk to the car.

• Dan : Before she met David, Darlene was not the kind of kid who would lie about living with her boyfriend.

  Roseanne : Before she met David, Darlene was 12.