- Dan: I know that I was able to take advantage of you.
- Roseanne: Yeah right.
- Dan: Do you not remember our second date? You had gotten into a big fight with your mom and were all upset, I wasn't thinking about your feelings, I was thinking you were ripe for the picking. A couple drinks later, we're checked into the Blue Rooster Motel, cock a doodle doo!
- Roseanne: My mom was in Indiana, there was no fight, I just made it up so
- [fake weeping]
- Roseanne: you could comfort me in my time of need.
- [later]
- Roseanne: The fact that I had my nightgown in my purse should've tipped you off!
- Becky Conner-Healy: [cracks up after hearing that David thought pregnant Jackie was trying to come on to him] That is soooo funny!... I mean, who would want to go to bed with some big ol' fat lady?
- Darlene Conner: [a moment later, Darlene comes in the front door, hears the same story about David, and chuckles] Who'd want to sleep with some big ol' fat lady?
- Dan: [David, who is banned from the house, gets caught in the basement making out with Darlene by Dan; Dan shouts, slinging him into a door] What's the matter with you, boy? Can't keep your pants on?
- Roseanne: [Darlene, at Jackie's house where David is also staying, refuses to return home so Roseanne can torture her] Wrong, that is exactly why you're going back there. You're in big trouble, and your punishment is not going to be sex with your boyfriend.
- Darlene Conner: Well obviously you've never *had* sex with my boyfriend.