- Dan: Listen Bev, I need to borrow $5,000 until that house sells. Now, you know I'd rather do anything than beg you for money. But you're the only person I know that can't possibly think any less of me.
- Jackie Harris: I am warning you, Mom. If you don't stop treating me like a child, I'm packed up, and out of your place by tonight.
- Bev Harris: That's the coffee talking, Jackie.
- Jackie Harris: Hold on a second.
- [to the coffee cup]
- Jackie Harris: What's that? Okay, I'll tell her. The coffee says that you're a meddling old bat, who's sapping my will to *live*!
- Bev Harris: Well, I'm sorry if I care about you, Jackie, but I watch you every day. I'm just concerned about this reckless life-style of yours!
- Jackie Harris: [nearly shouts] Reckless life-style? I am living with my Mother in a *Retirement Community*!
- Jackie Harris: [Roger asks Jackie out] Wait a minute. Aren't you dating Nancy? My business partner, Nancy? My friend, Nancy?
- Roger: All three of them, yes. But ours is a completely casual relationship; I can date other women... she can date other women.
- Jackie Harris: You know, Roger, Nancy is a casual type of person, but I'm a real up-tight, do-it-by-the-rules kinda gal, and one of the rules is, 'Never date your lesbian friend's boyfriend'.
- Jackie Harris: [in a Thrift Store, to Roseanne] Well, maybe we're not being fair to Nancy. People change. Maybe having a baby is a sign she's becoming less self-involved.
- Nancy Bartlett: Guys, look at this stroller. What do you think? Do you think it makes me look fat?
- Roseanne Conner: D.J., where'd you get those jelly beans?
- D.J.: From the bin at store.
- Roseanne Conner: D.J., I told you, you gotta finish eating them while you're in the store, 'else it's *stealing*!
- Chuck Mitchell: [yells] Oh! Oh! You trying to say I don't know anything about construction?
- Dan Conner: [yells back] No! Everybody puts a fuse box in the *shower*!