Roseanne (TV Series)

Home Is Where the Afghan Is (1996)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Roseanne Conner : You know what really just fries me? Our whole lives, you make me and Jackie dress up like little baby dolls you know... you you paint our fingernails, tell us to always cross our legs and act like little ladies... you're like "don't ever act too smart cause you might not get a man!" and now here you are sitting there, my right wing, conservative, Republican mother... is a great big old lezbo!

  Leon Carp : [off Bev's reaction; raises glass]  Welcome to the club, Bev!

  Scott : [off Bev's reaction; also raises glass]  We'll teach you the secret handshake

• Roseanne Conner : Hey, where's my 'My other mug is a shot glass' mug?

• Beverly Harris : I would like to give thanks that I am not a young child being raised by two very tasteful but nonetheless light in the loafers...

  Roseanne Conner : Mom! Mom! Look around you! Nobody's talking about that anymore!

  Beverly Harris : I just don't think two men should raise a child. I married a man! He was cruel to my children and cheated on me, he had horrible table manners and he made me drive an old car with bald tires! The bastard!

  Roseanne Conner : Mother! Try to save a little something for Christmas!

• Beverly Harris : I brought a Jell-O mold with kiwis.

  Jackie Harris : Mother, we have caterers preparing the food this year.

  Beverly Harris : Did any of them make a Jell-O mold?

  Jackie Harris : No.

  Beverly Harris : Then I guess somebody should say 'thank you mother'!

  Roseanne Conner : Go ahead, Jimmy.

  Caterer : [mocking Bev]  Thank you mother!