Roseanne (TV Series)

Home Is Where the Afghan Is (1996)

Laurie Metcalf: Jackie Harris

Quotes 

• Jackie Harris : Have you acted on this? With who? When? How? No don't tell me! Pass the yams!

  Prince Carlos : [With a southern twang- Prince Carlos is plastered]  Amongst us royalty, most everyone's gay. We just marry so folks won't hang us!

• Jackie Harris : How're you doing, Darlene?

  Darlene Conner-Healy : Well I have morning sickness, evening sickness, roll down the car window when you drive sickness, my rings don't fit, my shoes don't fit, my clothes don't fit, and if you have time to sit a spell, I'll tell you about my brand new hemorrhoids.

  David Healy : Takes about 10 minutes.

• Beverly Harris : I brought a Jell-O mold with kiwis.

  Jackie Harris : Mother, we have caterers preparing the food this year.

  Beverly Harris : Did any of them make a Jell-O mold?

  Jackie Harris : No.

  Beverly Harris : Then I guess somebody should say 'thank you mother'!

  Roseanne Conner : Go ahead, Jimmy.

  Caterer : [mocking Bev]  Thank you mother!