Roseanne (TV Series)

Homeward Bound (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Darlene : Trust me. He goes in that room cause it's the only one with a lock on it, and he's in there for like an hour at a time; which either means he's really, really good at it... or really, really bad at it.

  Dan Conner : Aw, God!

  Roseanne : Well I don't want you to give him any grief about this, ya know, cause you could traumatize him and turn him into a serial killer, or something.

  Darlene : Well don't worry. How much damage could he do with only one free hand?

• Roseanne : I have no idea how to communicate, ah, with a kid that doesn't yell back.

• Roseanne : [David enters the room in the middle of the conversation and sits down]  Well, we ought to be able to handle this okay. I mean, ya know, it's just masturbation.

  [David stands up and leaves the room] 

• Roseanne : [disgusted]  He's using my Cosmo! That makes me like... his dealer!

• Roseanne : [frazzled after DJ caught them in his room finding his porn stash]  You talk to him. I talked to the girls after they got their periods.

  Dan Conner : *I* talked to the girls after they got their periods.

  Roseanne : I mean I talked to the girls *about* their periods.

• Roseanne : [reading the letter David is writing to Darlene]  Dear Darlene, I really really miss you. It really really hurts me when you don't call. I know you're very busy, but if you don't mind...

  David Healy : See, I was going to get really tough after that.

  Roseanne : I was tougher than this in my wedding vows. Okay, here David, take this down: Dear Darlene, I am tired of your crap. You are selfish, moody, and most of all, ungrateful.

  David Healy : She's not ungrateful.

  Roseanne : Trust me, I've known her longer than you. And then you gotta finish up with something that'll really really get her.

  David Healy : I could tell her she's just like you. That'll kill her.

  Roseanne : Both of us with one shot.