Roseanne (TV Series)

I Pray the Lord My Stove to Keep (1994)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• D.J. Conner : [confronted about why he has been sneaking off to church]  Mom, I wanted to tell you. I just had some questions about God and stuff.

  Roseanne Conner : Well, so why didn't you come to us if you had questions? You know, there's no two better people to answer your questions than me and your Dad.

  D.J. Conner : Okay. What religion are we?

  Roseanne Conner : I have no idea. Dan?

  Dan Conner : Well... my family's Pentecostal on Mom's side, Baptist on my Dad's. Your Mom's Mom was Lutheran and her Dad was Jewish.

  D.J. Conner : So what do we believe?

  Roseanne Conner : Well... we believe in, ah, being good. So basically we're good people.

  Dan Conner : Yeah, but we're not practicing.

• Roseanne Conner : [to D.J.]  Where have you been going everyday after school? And remember, God will punish if you lie!

  Dan Conner : Roseanne...

  Roseanne Conner : Hey we got it, we may as well use it.