- Jackie Harris: I know how to get you back into the holiday spirit.
- Roseanne Conner: How?
- Jackie Harris: Let's decorate Nana Mary.
- Roseanne Conner: We can't do that, she's our grandmother. Don't you remember...
- Jackie Harris: Shh, salad spinner.
- Roseanne Conner: I'll get the tinsel.
- Beverly Harris: Girls, stop that. You're being stupid and childish. Everyone knows you string lights from the top.
- Roseanne Conner: You're gonna miss "It's a Wonderful Life".
- Darlene Conner: Well, it's on again at 9 and 9:30 and 11, and at midnight in Spanish.
- Jackie Harris: I stopped going to my therapist.
- Roseanne Conner: Why? You can't be cured.
- Jackie Harris: Fisher says I don't need it any more. He says I'm able to make my own decisions.
- Roseanne Conner: Hey! I'll be the one to tell you when you're able to make you're own decisions.
- Roseanne Conner: You be home by 8. And for every minute you're late, that's another time you gotta listen to "It's a Jim Nabors Christmas".
- Roseanne Conner: Well I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, but these gifts suck. And Sonya's kids got all that really cool stuff. I thought we were your favorite grandkids.
- Nana Mary: You are, you are. Eventually, eventually, I'm gonna have to go live with somebody, and uh... they got a pool.
- Roseanne Conner: Well just promise us that you'll linger long enough to be a huge burden.
- Dan Conner: Hey Nancy, is there any occasion in which you would... 'ice' and 'oil' a potato?
- Nancy Bartlett: No.
- Dan Conner: Then that would be 'slice' and 'boil', D.J., wash your hands, you're smudging the ink off the recipe cards.