Roseanne (TV Series)

Lies My Father Told Me (1994)

Sara Gilbert: Darlene Conner

Quotes 

• Darlene Conner : [DJ is watching TV; comes up from behind to bother him]  Hey, DJ, haven't seen you since I got home.

  D.J. Conner : Shut up.

  Darlene Conner : Oh. Nice to see you too. School's going really well.

  D.J. Conner : Shut up.

  Darlene Conner : Yeah, the bus ride home was nice, but, uh, unfortunately I was sitting next to this guy who kept singing "lalalalalalalala!"

  D.J. Conner : I'm gonna kill you, Darlene!

  Darlene Conner : Not if I kill you first.

  Roseanne Conner : Oh, you kids. If I had a corpse for every time one of you said that.

  D.J. Conner : She won't shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up! SHUT - UP!

  Darlene Conner : How ironic. Grandma's strapped to a bed in the looney bin yet DJ walks free.

• David Healy : Darlene, I was reading if your grandmother is insane, there's a 1 in 3 chance you might be too. There's a test in here to find out. Question 1, do you put your shoes on one at a time or both at once?

  Darlene Conner : Both at once.

  David Healy : That was easy. What color is a dog barking?

  Darlene Conner : Bright green.

  David Healy : Green, bright green, that's good. Triangle, boat, or hat?

  D.J. Conner : Triangle?

  Darlene Conner : Boat.

  David Healy : Right, so far so good.

• Darlene Conner : Only in our family can someone be nutcase for twenty years without anyone noticing.

  Roseanne Conner : We notice, Darlene, we're just ignoring you.

• Darlene Conner : [Dan's mom has been admitted to a mental institution and Dan has walked out on a conversation with Roseanne]  Hey, mom, you know, he probably just doesn't feel comfortable talking to you because your mother never went insane. Don't worry. I'll talk to him.