- Fred: How many men did you date before we met?
- Jackie Harris: Well, do you mean dated at all, or dated seriously?
- Fred: Well, oh, I mean seriously.
- Jackie Harris: Okay, I have to say... just a few.
- Fred: Good. It's not that I mind if you slept with lots of guys...
- Jackie Harris: [chuckles] Oh, well slept with!
- Jackie Harris: [chuckles harder] Well...
- Jackie Harris: [soberly] That's not what you asked me.
- Fred: No I guess it wasn't.
- Jackie Harris: [chuckling] Well, Fred, don't worry... it's not that many. I'd - I'd saaay - three a year.
- Fred: Since you were, what, eighteen?
- Jackie Harris: [thinks] Okay, we'll go with that.
- Fred: [looking shocked] Oh, oh wow.
- Jackie Harris: [getting defensive] Well, Fred! It's not *that* many! Three a year for 20 years is, 60 - wow.
- Fred: Gawd... I don't even *know* 60 people.
- Jackie Harris: Well, I didn't *know* all of them.
- Roseanne Conner: [Dan's mother's been put in a mental hospital] God, Dan, I'm so sorry.
- [moves to hug him]
- Dan Conner: [backs away from her] I just, I'm uh... just wanna go to bed.
- [walks off]
- Dan Conner: Ah, Fred. When doing a background check on a girlfriend, it's rarely wise to ask the brother-in-law. Especially when his wife is the ham-fisted Roseanne.
- Jackie Harris: [at Jackie's, Fred and Jackie are arguing, Roseanne is there, and the baby starts crying] Aw, baby, what's the matter?
- Roseanne Conner: What do you mean, "what's the matter"? Can't you imagine how scary this is to him? Where - the big, fuzzy thing is yelling at the milk machine?
- Roseanne Conner: What're you thinking, Jackie, you think a guy wants to find out that his girlfriend slept with 20 times more people than he did?
- Jackie Harris: [to Fred, cynically] I slept with 60 men, most of them separately.
- Roseanne Conner: [coming in] I can vouch for that, I was there that night selling tickets.
- Dan Conner: [when his dad won't help his mom] One thing about you, Dad, you never let me down.
- [storms out]
- Jackie Harris: [after revealing she slept with 60 guys while Fred only slept with 3 women] Why does it matter to a guy if the woman has more experience?
- Roseanne Conner: Because then he knows that she knows that he is not very good.
- Jackie Harris: Fred's good, he's really good, especially considering it's *just* the three.
- Dan Conner: My mom's in the hospital.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh my God. Is she gonna be okay?
- Dan Conner: Yeah, I guess so.
- Roseanne Conner: I mean, did she have an accident or something?
- Dan Conner: It's not that kind of hospital.
- Roseanne Conner: What do you mean?
- Dan Conner: I got there and she was sitting out in the rain. I don't think she even knew who I was. The doctor thought she might be a danger to herself so he had her committed.