Roseanne (TV Series)

The Birds and the Frozen Bees (1995)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• [after subtly getting Darlene and David back together] 

  Roseanne Conner : I'm amazing. If I ever get up off this couch, I'll be unstoppable.

• Darlene Conner : Hey Mom, you want to go to a movie with me?

  Roseanne Conner : [sunk down on the couch]  Nah... that would mean getting a shower and putting on underwear. Why don't you ask David?

• Roseanne Conner : I don't see any reason why he would reject you, Darlene. Okay, well I do, but he's not as perceptive as me.

• Roseanne Conner : You know you love him. So go in there, take a deep breath, and say all those things to him that you used to say to that Scott Baio poster.

• Jackie Harris : Darlene, go with David. My biggest regret is I lost touch with the guys I dated.

  Roseanne Conner : Doesn't the health department keep them records?

• Roseanne Conner : Man, not only does that O.J. have the best lawyers that money can buy... he's also got the best witnesses that money can buy.