Roseanne (TV Series)

The Parenting Trap (1994)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dan Conner : [about D.J]  Ah, you mean he's at that age where on a sunny day, he can be laying on his back and tell time without wearing a watch.

  Mark Healy : [frustrated]  Naw, it has nothing to do with telling the time! I mean, the kid's getting erections!

• Fred : [about ways he concealed an involuntary erection during puberty]  I always found that nobody was any-the-wiser, if I just kept my shirt untucked.

  Dan Conner : [thoughtfully]  I occasionally employed that device myself. Usually, however, I took the more scholarly approach: put a book in front of it.

  Fred : Yeah, a book was good. If you didn't have a book, you just had to stick your hands in your pockets.

  Mark Healy : [chuckles]  Well, that's usually how mine started.

• Fred : [about puberty erections]  You know, back at that age, it didn't even have much to do with girls. Damn thing would just pop up and say "howdy-do" for any reason.

  Dan Conner : You know what usually set me off, was the vibrations on the school bus. All through junior-high, I dreamed of being a bus driver.

• Dan : [to the tune of "Dashing Through the Snow"]  # Walking through the house/ Looking for a beer/ Open up the icebox door/ Oh my! There's one right here. #

• Dan : [D.J. is screaming and running up the stairs]  Whoa! What's goin' on!

  D.J. : [screams]  Mom told me a story I don't want to hear anymore!

  Dan : Well that's no reason for you to go running out of the room screaming like a maniac!

  D.J. : [still screaming]  It was about her having her period!

  Dan : [pause]  As you were.