- Wicked Witch: [Sabrina has a salad zapped in front of the witch] No! No! She's turned me into a... VEGETARIAN!
- Harvey Kinkle: [to Sabrina, when they in the Wicked Witch's pot] Y'know in her defence, the peach pie was good.
- Wicked Witch: You two are dead meat
- [yelling to Sabrina and Harvey]
- Salem Saberhagen: Back off lady it's the 90's nobody eats mortals anymore
- Wicked Witch: And I'll have kitty for dessert.
- Salem Saberhagen: Would you look at the time
- [jumps off the beanstalk]
- Sabrina Spellman: I hope you land on your feet
- [yells to Salem as he falls past her]
- Sabrina Spellman: Hey, who ate all the Wheat-ios?
- Salem Saberhagen: Did you know Addis Ababa is the capital of Ethiopia? Not that I'm trying to change the subject.
- Zelda Spellman: Sabrina, procrastination only makes things worse. Ask Hilda about the time-- Well, ask Hilda about any time.
- Hilda Spellman: I'll think of a comeback for her tomorrow.
- Hilda Spellman: So did you finish your project?
- Sabrina Spellman: No.
- Zelda Spellman: Did you start your project?
- Sabrina Spellman: No.
- Harvey Kinkle: I brought our Social Studies project.
- Sabrina Spellman: Great, did you get much done?
- Harvey Kinkle: Yeah. I bought the poster board.
- Sabrina Spellman: I can't stand that place. Pigs aren't very good at making change.
- Salem Saberhagen: Who are they kidding with that sneezeguard over the slop bar?
- Salem Saberhagen: Don't blame me. I wasn't the one procrastinating by talking on the phone. Eavesdropping was at the top of my to-do list.
- Zelda Spellman: Did you follow the recipe carefully?
- Sabrina Spellman: Sure. With a few substitutions.
- Sabrina Spellman: I bet you guys did stuff like this all the time when you were my age, huh?
- Zelda Spellman: No, never.
- Sabrina Spellman: There's actually a giant at the top of the beanstalk?
- Zelda Spellman: Or worse.
- Hilda Spellman: Beanstalks always lead to a bad neighbourhood.
- Sabrina Spellman: Since when do we have a periscope in the kitchen?
- Hilda Spellman: You've lived here two years, you never noticed it? Teenagers.
- Hilda Spellman: I'm sure the line will move quickly.
- Zelda Spellman: Excuse me, ma'am. How long have you been waiting?
- Old Woman: My oldest boy, Tom, is 52.
- Hilda Spellman: That's nice, but how long have you been here?
- Old Woman: He was born in this line.
- Wicked Witch: You see, Harvey, the big guy upstairs doesn't trust skinny people. Or the French. I don't know why.
- Salem Saberhagen: As the official watchcat, I order you to get down.
- Sabrina Spellman: I'm going up, and don't try to stop me, cat.
- Salem Saberhagen: You leave me with no choice than to go with you and protect you.
- Sabrina Spellman: You're afraid of heights.
- Salem Saberhagen: Right. Then you leave me no choice than to wish you well.
- Clerk #1: Anyone with a friend or a family member up to their neck in quicksand, come to the head of the line.
- Hilda Spellman: Hey! We've been waiting for hours. We have a boy in a beanstalk about to be eaten by the Wicked Witch.
- Clerk #1: I'll get to that.
- Sabrina Spellman: See how nicely it blends in with your decor? Which, by the way, is lovely.
- Wicked Witch: Oh, thank you. It was designed by I.M. Pie.
- Sabrina Spellman: Harvey, listen, that woman out there is wicked.
- Harvey Kinkle: You wouldn't say that if you had her pralines. She's an awesome cook.
- Sabrina Spellman: She's gonna cook you.
- Zelda Spellman: We're finally getting somewhere.
- Clerk #2: Uh-oh. You're in the line for family members encased in stone. You've got a beanstalk problem. That's Window C.
- Hilda Spellman: No. Window C told us to come here.
- Clerk #2: Well, then you need Window E. That's the window for people Window C incorrectly told to go to Window B. Next, please!
- Hilda Spellman: Where is the window for people who pull people through windows?
- Clerk #3: Uh-huh. So you've got a Code 947: mortal on a beanstalk with Wicked Witch.
- Zelda Spellman: Yes. Are we in the right line?
- Clerk #3: Yes, indeed.
- Zelda Spellman: Oh!
- Clerk #3: You just need to get hold of a 321-K.
- Zelda Spellman: What's that?
- Clerk #3: Tree trimmer.
- Salem Saberhagen: I can't move.
- Zelda Spellman: Oh, no, is he hurt?
- Sabrina Spellman: Fatten Up"? This must've fallen off the beanstalk.
- Hilda Spellman: Oh! Salem, you didn't.
- Salem Saberhagen: I did. Well, don't just stand there. Somebody get me a diet soda.
- Harvey Kinkle: Oh, I must've died. But I had so much to give, so much to do. I was supposed to mow the lawn.
- Wicked Witch: Make yourselves at home. We dress for dinner here. In your case that means oyster dressing. Heh.
- Sabrina Spellman: Hey, you brought a tree trimmer?
- Zelda Spellman: He prefers to be called an arborist.
- Treetrimmer: Okay, let's get rid of this puppy. Okay, everyone, stand clear. Timber!