- Mr. Subliminal: If Mr. Hussein promisses to pull out, *fat chance*, we should give him a chance. You know, we gotta take him at his word as we would anyone else. *Milli Vanilli*
- Tom Hanks: Thanks, Mr. Martin.
- Steve Martin: Oho, Please, call me Mr. Steve Martin.
- Tom Hanks: Well, thanks, Mr. Steve Martin.
- Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller, Tom Hanks: Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, *babe*! Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.
- [all brush hair over shoulder]
- Dennis Miller: Dashing through the snow...
- Dana Carvey: In a one-horse open sleigh...
- Tom Hanks: Over the fields we go...
- Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller, Tom Hanks: ...laughing all the way... Ha-haaa!
- Dennis Miller: Bells on bobtails ring...
- Dana Carvey: Hey, what the hell'is a bobtail, Cha-Cha?
- Tom Hanks: Don't be a big pain in the ass, just sing the freakin' song, ho!
- Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller, Tom Hanks: Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way! *babe*!
- [two of the Dennis Millers start cackling]
- Dennis Miller: Enough! Enough! Enough!
- Dana Carvey, Dennis Miller, Tom Hanks: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh... Guess what folks, that's the news and we are outta here!
- Mrs. Blanston: And, eh, today I found out that our house was mistakenly made out of exploding wood...