- Mrs. Vandervoort: Thank goodness you're okay, Kevin. When you didn't come downstairs for your waffles I thought Ann had murdered you!
- Weekend Update Anchor: [referring to Native American comic Billy Smith] Jimmy, what is it that you like about this guy?
- Billy Smith: What is your problem, Tina Fey? Is your husband not giving you enough tostina-istataka?
- Weekend Update Anchor: What?
- Billy Smith: Tostina-istataka is a, eh, long serrated leaf which can be threaded through meat.
- Barbara Walters: [interviewing herself on Weekend Update] Barbara, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
- [turns to other camera]
- Barbara Walters: Hm, I guess a bonzai. Beautiful, delicate yet strong, pruned into perfect shape, and 400 years old.
- NASA scientist: Doctors, please, the Mars rover could be lost forever unless we find a solution in the next five minutes. So I'm going to ask that you spend no more than four of those minutes working out your differences through a series of zings and slams.