The Simple Life (TV Series)

Pilot (1998)

Brett Cullen: Luke Barton

Quotes 

• Luke Barton : I'm the foreman around here. Sorry I'm a couple a days late, but this is the busy time of year for my stud service.

  Sara Campbell : I had no idea it was seasonal.

• [Sara presents the crew with birdhouse replicas of her barn] 

  Luke Barton : She built birdhouses for fifty people?

  Frederica Campbell : Yeah, she only sleeps four hours a night. And even then, she's pressing wildflowers under her box-spring.

• Sara Campbell : My life is out of control.

  Luke Barton : How do you figure?

  Sara Campbell : My daughter just flunked out of school again, my kitchen was destroyed by a horny bull, and my producer keeps trying to convince our insurance company that we're covered for stampedes.

  Luke Barton : At least your mother's still here.

  Sara Campbell : Well, that's only cuz I told her you were gonna chop wood in a Speedo. You don't have to do it.

• [Sara attempts to sheer wool from a sheep] 

  Luke Barton : You're not doin' it right. Just clamp it between your legs and go fast.

  Sara Campbell : Have you met my ex-husband?

• Sara Campbell : I thought moving to the country was gonna make my life simpler.

  Luke Barton : Life ain't simple, no matter where you live. Although if you lived yours somewhere else, it might make mine a lot simpler.