The Simple Life (TV Series)

Pilot (1998)

Sara Rue: Melanie

Quotes 

• Frederica Campbell : This is Sara Campbell's house?

  Melanie : Yes, it is. But I must warn you, if you're some sort of obsessed fan that's come here to dedicate your pathetic little life to her service, well, I was here first.

  Frederica Campbell : Oh! You're the wacko who was stalking my mother!

  Melanie : Yeah. She hired me. The lawyer said it'd be cheaper than getting a restraining order, so I'm in!

• Sara Campbell : Melanie, I see you've glued a pine cone to your head again. There's alcohol in what's left of the kitchen.

  Melanie : Will that dissolve the glue?

  Sara Campbell : No. I'd like a drink.