- SpongeBob SquarePants: A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it!...
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...
- [rumble of thunder]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: ...a flying ice cream truck.
- [a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!
- [the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]
- Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.
- [SpongeBob is trying to keep people from going in the water]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Uhh... there are sharks in there!
- Shark Dad: Hey, that's my family you're talking about!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Uhh... Sea monster!
- Sea Monster: You know, we sea monsters have made great strides in the fields of science and literature.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Uhh... Somebody went?
- Larry the Lobster: How would you like to take the second shift?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: By myself?
- Larry the Lobster: Only if you think you're ready.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm not just ready. I'm ready, Freddy.
- Larry the Lobster: It's Larry.
- Larry the Lobster: [after saving Patrick and SpongeBob from drowning in the shallow end] SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes, Larry?
- Larry the Lobster: You're not a lifeguard, are you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Larry.
- Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your victory screech, Plankton, because someday the Krabby Patty formula will be mine!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend!
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, but I will. Even if I have to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
- [Mr. Krabs leaves the Krusty Krab, as Plankton perspires from nervousness]
- Mr. Krabs: And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [handing Plankton a phone] Phone call, Mr. Plankton.
- Mr. Krabs: [on the phone] And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
- Plankton: [poking SpongeBob to make him stop saying "Soiled it"] Where's the off button on this thing?
- Larry the Lobster: You know, SpongeBob, the babes and the big chair are great, but the best part is knowing that you're the only thing standing between these good people and a watery grave. That's what it's all about. Their lives are in your hands now, 'cause I have a date with the tanning booth. So long.
- [he leaves]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: But... I can't swim. If only I had known that being a lifeguard meant guarding their lives, I would never have said yes.
- [Squidward is at the cash register reading a performance magazine when he notices SpongeBob beside him]
- Squidward Tentacles: [with a forced smile] SpongeBob, remember that little talk we had about personal space?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay, Squidward! I'm official!
- [He gestures to his badge saying "Co-cashier"]
- Squidward Tentacles: "Co-cashier"?
- Squidward Tentacles: [storming in on Plankton] You can't do this to me, Mr. Plankton! If you think I'm gonna stand out there all day listening to...
- [Cut to SpongeBob babbling. Cut back to Squidward and Plankton]
- Squidward Tentacles: Then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!
- Plankton: And no more intrusions. I'd like to begin writing the memoirs of my success story so everybody just stay the...
- Pearl Plankton: Daddy!
- Nat Peterson: You think this is funny?
- Plankton: In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
- Nat Peterson: Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?
- [Nat shows Plankton a Krabby Patty]
- Plankton: What? It's just an ordinary Krabby-
- [Scene zooms in to show the patty made with gross-out items]
- Plankton: OH, MY GOODNESS! *SQUIDWARD!*