- Patrick Star: It would seem we have reached an impasse.
- Flying Dutchman: Pink one is right. Tell you what, you give me back the sock and I'll give you... three wishes.
- Patrick Star: Make it five.
- Flying Dutchman: Four.
- Patrick Star: Three. Take it or leave it.
- Flying Dutchman: Okay... uh, three. You get three wishes.
- [a giant anchor crashes into SpongeBob's pineapple]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Holy shrimp!
- [runs to Squidward's house]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! The sky had a baby from my cereal box! Squiid-waard!
- [Squidward pops his head out of one of his windows in annoyance]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! The sky had a baby!
- Squidward Tentacles: That's not a baby! That's a giant anchor! Now, go away!
- Patrick: [walks up to SpongeBob] Hey, SpongeBob! The sky had a baby!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I know. What do you think we should we name it?
- Kid Fish: [to himself, in a sing-song voice] I had four biscuits, and I ate one. Then, I only had three!
- Squidward Tentacles: [about to climb the anchor rope] Well, I am gonna get to the bottom of this thing.
- SpongeBob: Wouldn't that be the top?
- SpongeBob: [on the phone] Hello. Fancy french restaurant? I've got a naughty snail here who won't take a bath.
- SpongeBob: [disguising the bathtub as a treasure chest] Wow, Gary, look! A pirate treasure chest!
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: Why, no, Gary, this isn't the bathtub...
- [kicks a paint bucket away]
- SpongeBob: It's treasure!
- [pulls out two bars of soap]
- SpongeBob: Look, doubloons. Don't drop 'em.
- [winks, then pulls out a rubber duck]
- SpongeBob: Look at this brooch.
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: I don't know what a snail would want with a brooch! Now why don't you just get in the tub!
- SpongeBob: [Gary duped SpongeBob up in a tree and swiped his ladder] Gary! Bring that ladder back this instant!
- [the ladder falls]
- SpongeBob: I am really not amused, mister! You are going to take a bath, and you are going to get clean right now!
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: I am *so* the boss of you!
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: It may be a free country, but you live in my house under my rules!
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: Don't use that tone of voice with me. You will do what I say, when I say!
- [Gary slithers closer to the mud puddle]
- SpongeBob: What are you doing? I am talking to you, mister! Do not go near that mud puddle! Gary the snail, do you hear me? I am giving you three seconds to get away from that mud puddle! One...
- [Gary inches closer]
- SpongeBob: Two...
- [Gary inches closer]
- SpongeBob: Two and a half... Don't make me say three!
- [Gary leans over the puddle]
- SpongeBob: Gary! Gary! Gary!
- [falls off the tree]
- SpongeBob: GARY!
- [splats in the mud]
- SpongeBob: I'm a dirty boy.
- [the trio climb onboard a ghostly pirate ship]
- Squidward Tentacles: Alright, who owns this crate?
- [knocks on the cabin door]
- Squidward Tentacles: Come on out! I wanna file a complaint!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [looks around] Doesn't this place seem familiar?
- Patrick: I don't know. Why?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know, doesn't it just kinda ring a bell?
- [Squidward repeatedly rings the doorbell by the cabin door]
- Patrick: Yes!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I know who owns this boat, but I just can't place the name.
- [He passes by a barrel labelled "property of the Flying Dutchman". Squidward angrily pounds on the cabin door until the Flying Dutchman suddenly bursts out]
- Flying Dutchman: [roaring] Aaargh-oowh-waagh!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, no, it's not
- [imitating him]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: "Aaargh-oowh-waagh!"
- Flying Dutchman: I am the Flying Dutchman!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: That's it! Squidward, this ship belongs to the Red Baron!
- Flying Dutchman: Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman in his own lair?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [cheerfully] It's Squidward, he wants to complain to you.
- [the Flying Dutchman looks at Squidward]
- Squidward Tentacles: [nervously] I... no I don't
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, what about all that stuff about him having a dirty ship and being lazy and all?
- [Flying Dutchman glares angrily at Squidward]
- Squidward Tentacles: [laughs nervously] I never said that
- Flying Dutchman: Insulting a man's ship be worse than insulting his mother!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, no wait, it was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship!
- [the Flying Dutchman fries Squidward with fire from his nose]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [screaming] Gary, there's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in three seconds unless you take a bath!
- [pause]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Pleeease.
- [explodes]
- Flying Dutchman: [trying to scare a kid fish] Booooo! Prepare to be burdened with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!
- SpongeBob: [pans to a kelp shrub, then SpongeBob peaks out] Was that the signal? Sorry, sorry, just do it again.
- Flying Dutchman: ...with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick come out of the shrub making ghoulish noises and SpongeBob does a hand trick]
- Patrick Star: [in a ghoulish voice] How does he do thaaaat?
- [SpongeBob and Patrick continue ghoulish noises]
- Flying Dutchman: Get back on the ship.
- SpongeBob, Patrick Star: [in a ghoulish voice and backing away] It's still a mystery.
- Kid Fish: Those guys are dorks.
- Flying Dutchman: Yes, but they're my dorks.
- Flying Dutchman: [having shanghaied SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward] You're part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It'll be grueling, mind-numbing, and repetitive. Just like... daytime television.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick both have goofy smiles on their faces at this]
- SpongeBob: Why do you think the Dutchman asked us to wait in our bunk room?
- Patrick Star: Maybe he's gonna give us a reward.
- SpongeBob: Like movie passes?
- Patrick Star: Or an over-sized coffee mug!
- [giggling excitedly while shaking the bunk bed]
- Flying Dutchman: We're heading down to Bikini Bottom tonight for a little haunting spree. So I want this ship to look good and scary.
- SpongeBob: You mean you want it to look good... and scary. Well, I think we could probably...
- Patrick Star: No, no. I think he means he wants it to look so good that it's scary.
- SpongeBob: Or maybe that by looking so scary you forget that it doesn't look good.
- Patrick Star: [after a pause] I don't get it.
- SpongeBob: Look, it's easy, it simple means that...
- Flying Dutchman: Never mind what it means! I just want it to look scary! That's it! You know, mold on the ceilings and bugs in the sink.
- SpongeBob: So you don't want it to look good?
- Flying Dutchman: GET MOVING!
- SpongeBob, Patrick Star: [singing rapidly] A sailor's life is a wonderful life, a wonderful life for sure!
- SpongeBob: Psst, Gary.
- [SpongeBob enters the living room and has absorbed all the bath water into his body]
- SpongeBob: Bath delivery!
- [he spits the water towards Gary and hits the armchair instead as Gary runs away]
- SpongeBob: Come back, Gary. I have something to *chair* with you.
- [he spits the water again but hits a stack of dirty dishes, inadvertently cleaning them]
- SpongeBob: *Dish* is more like it.
- [he continues spitting the water towards Gary but keeps missing as he keeps running away]
- SpongeBob: *Water* you waiting for, Gary!