Star Trek (TV Series)

A Piece of the Action (1968)

William Shatner: Captain James Tiberius 'Jim' Kirk

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Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Capt. Kirk : All right, Bones, in the language of the planet, "What's your beef?"

  Dr. McCoy : Well, I don't know how serious this is, Jim. And I don't quite know how to tell you...

  Capt. Kirk : Go ahead.

  Dr. McCoy : But in all the confusion, I...

  Capt. Kirk : Tell me.

  Dr. McCoy : I think I left it in Bela's office.

  Capt. Kirk : You left it?

  Dr. McCoy : Somewhere, I'm-I'm not certain.

  Capt. Kirk : You're not certain of what?

  Dr. McCoy : I left my communicator.

  Capt. Kirk : In Bela's office?

  Spock : Captain, if the Iotians, who are very bright an imitative people, should take that communicator apart...

  Capt. Kirk : They will, they will. And they'll find out how the transtator works.

  Spock : The transtator is the basis for every important piece of equipment that we have - the transporter, the...

  Capt. Kirk : [overlapping]  Everything, everything.

  Dr. McCoy : You really think it's that serious?

  Capt. Kirk : Serious? Serious, Bones? It upsets the whole percentage.

  Dr. McCoy : How do you mean?

  Capt. Kirk : Well, in a few years, the Iotians may demand a piece of OUR action.

• Spock : [balking at the prospect of another ride in a car with Kirk at the wheel]  Captain, must we?

  Capt. Kirk : It's faster than walking.

  Spock : But not as safe.

  Capt. Kirk : Are you afraid of cars?

  Spock : Not at all, Captain. It's your DRIVING that alarms me.

• Capt. Kirk : Hello, Scotty, dis is Koik!

• Capt. Kirk : The name of the game is called, uh... fizzbin.

  Kalo : Fizzbin?

  Capt. Kirk : Fizzbin. It's, uh... not too difficult.

  Kalo : Mm-hmm.

  Capt. Kirk : Each player gets six cards, except for the dealer, er, the player on the dealer's right, who, er, gets seven.

  Kalo : On the right?

  Capt. Kirk : Yes. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesday.

  Kalo : On Tuesday.

  Capt. Kirk : Mm-hmm.

  Capt. Kirk : [exited]  Ooh, look what you got, two jacks. You got a half fizzbin already!

  Kalo : Hehe! I need another jack.

  Capt. Kirk : No, no. If you got another jack, why, you'd have, er, a sralk.

  Kalo : A sralk?

  Capt. Kirk : Yes. You'd be disqualified.

  Kalo : Oh.

  Capt. Kirk : No, what you need now, is either a king and a deuce, except at night, of course, when you'd need a queen and a, and a four.

  Kalo : Except at night.

  Capt. Kirk : Right. Oh, look at that. You've got another jack!

  [Kalo laughs] 

  Capt. Kirk : How lucky you are! How wonderful for you. Now, if you didn't get another jack, if you'd gotten a king, why, then you'd get another card, except when it's dark, when you'd have to give it back.

  Kalo : If it were dark on Tuesday.

  Capt. Kirk : Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astron... Spock, what are the odds in getting a royal fizzbin?

  Spock : I have never computed them, Captain.

  Capt. Kirk : Well, they're astronomical, believe me.

• Spock : Captain... you are an excellent starship commander. But as a taxi driver, you leave much to be desired.

  Capt. Kirk : It was that bad?

• Capt. Kirk : [adopting a Chicago gangster accent]  Now, you cooperate wid us and, uh, maybe we'll cut choo in for a piece o' dee action.

  Spock : A minuscule... A very small piece.

  Jojo Krako : How much is that?

  Capt. Kirk : That's, uh...

  Capt. Kirk : [dropping the accent]  We'll figure it out later.

  Jojo Krako : Thought you guys had laws! No interference!

  Capt. Kirk : [accent on]  Who's interferin'? We're... takin' over!

  Capt. Kirk : [to Spock]  Check?

  Spock : Right.

• Jojo Krako : Whadda ya think, we're stupid or something?

  Capt. Kirk : No, no, no, I don't think you're stupid, Mr. Krako, I just think your behavior is arrested.

  Jojo Krako : [shouting]  I've never been arrested in my whole life!

• Bela Oxmyx : You Feds must have made a lot of improvements since that other ship came here. You probably got all kinds of fancy heaters up there. So here's the deal: You give me all the heaters I need, enough tools so I can knock off all those punks all at once. Then I'll take over, and all you have to do is deal with me.

  Capt. Kirk : Now let me get this straight. You want us to supply you with arms and assistance so you can carry out an aggression against your neighbors?

  Bela Oxmyx : What aggression? I gotta make some hits. I want you to help me hit 'em. That's all.

• Capt. Kirk : [into communicator]  Kirk to Enterprise.

  Scott : Enterprise. Scott here, sir.

  Capt. Kirk : [talking like a Chicago mobster]  You got Krako on ice?

  Scott : Aye, he's here. Mad enough to chew neutronium, but behavin' himself.

  Capt. Kirk : OK, baby, cool him until I flag you.

  Scott : Flag me?

  Capt. Kirk : [normal voice]  Keep him there until I send for him.

  Capt. Kirk : [as mobster]  We're gonna make some old-style phone calls from this locale. So you, ah, locate the man at de other end o' de blower and give 'im a ride to this flop.

  Scott : What?

  Capt. Kirk : [normal voice]  Find the man at the other end of the phone and transport him to these coordinates.

  Capt. Kirk : [back as mobster]  Can do, sweetheart?

  Scott : [dubiously]  Can do, Captain.

• Capt. Kirk : Now, listen, sweetheart, the Federation's movin' in. We're takin' over. You play ball, we'll cut choo in for a piece o' de pie. You don't, you're out - ALL de way out, you know what I mean?

• Spock : Captain, I'm neither brooding nor sombre, but I do have reservations about your solution to the problem of the Iotians.

  Capt. Kirk : Ah, yes. I understand that. You don't think it's logical to leave a criminal organization in charge.

  Spock : Highly irregular, to say the least, Captain. I'm also curious as to how you propose to explain to Starfleet Command that a starship will be sent each year to collect "our cut."

• Spock : [on the 1920's Chicago-style world]  Fascinating.

  Dr. McCoy : This is like coming home.

  Capt. Kirk : Home was never like this.

• Capt. Kirk : This, uh... this card game is a kid's game.

  Kalo : You think so, huh?

  Capt. Kirk : Oh, yes. Yes. I wouldn't waste my time.

  Kalo : Who's askin' you?

  Capt. Kirk : On, er, Beta Antares IV, they play a real game. It's a man's game, but, of course, probably a little beyond you. It requires intelligence.

• Capt. Kirk : [to McCoy]  Knock it off, Sawbones.

• Capt. Kirk : Hold on, Spock. Out of the mouth of babes...

  Tough Kid : Who you callin' a babe?

  Capt. Kirk : I'm calling you a babe.

  Tough Kid : You calling me a babe?

  Capt. Kirk : Yeah I'm callin'...

  [the boy brandishes a knife] 

  Capt. Kirk : I'm callin' you a babe, but there's nothing personal in it.

• Capt. Kirk : Can you trust all your men?

  Jojo Krako : Course I can!

  Capt. Kirk : [indicating the phaser in Kravo's hand]  Well, one of these can make a man a pretty big boss, you know?

  Jojo Krako : I either trust 'em or they're dead.