The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! (TV Series)

Caught in a Draft/Bad Rap (1989)

Robert Remus: Sgt. Slaughter

Quotes 

• Luigi : No disrespect, but how do we really know that you are here on a government secret mission?

  Sgt. Slaughter : I'll read you my top secret government orders.

  [Sgt. Slaughter makes whispering noises while reading] 

  Luigi : I don't hear anything.

  Sgt. Slaughter : I told you they're top secret.

  Luigi : [saluting]  I believe you, sir.

• Mario : You hear that, Luigi? The sergeant's gonna give us a *test* to see if we're *trustworthy*.

  Sgt. Slaughter : Now the whole neighborhood knows! You failed the test. Get down and give me ten... or I'll start kickin' some butt.

  Luigi : Now that you've explained that clearly, scary person...

  Mario : You sure have a way with words, Sergeant, Sir.

• Sgt. Slaughter : Let's do it ONE MORE TIME.

  [chanting] 

  Sgt. Slaughter : One, two, three, four. Push those buns around the floor. Pull those chin ups, pull 'em high!

  Mario : [chanting]  I'd rather be eating pizza pie.

• Sgt. Slaughter : Alright, parade rest!

  Mario : Good idea. You go to the parade.

  Luigi : Right, Sarge. We'll rest.

  Sgt. Slaughter : No! No, you meatballs! It's never gonna work.

• Sgt. Slaughter : Against all odds, I whipped you guys into shape. Now you're gonna go out there and face TORTURE, BRUTALITY, and certain death... for Mom, apple pie, and the flag. What do you say about that, boys?

  [the Mario Brothers have fallen asleep from exhaustion] 

  Sgt. Slaughter : This just ain't gonna work.