- Luigi: No disrespect, but how do we really know that you are here on a government secret mission?
- Sgt. Slaughter: I'll read you my top secret government orders.
- [Sgt. Slaughter makes whispering noises while reading]
- Luigi: I don't hear anything.
- Sgt. Slaughter: I told you they're top secret.
- Luigi: [saluting] I believe you, sir.
- Mario: You hear that, Luigi? The sergeant's gonna give us a *test* to see if we're *trustworthy*.
- Sgt. Slaughter: Now the whole neighborhood knows! You failed the test. Get down and give me ten... or I'll start kickin' some butt.
- Luigi: Now that you've explained that clearly, scary person...
- Mario: You sure have a way with words, Sergeant, Sir.
- Sgt. Slaughter: Let's do it ONE MORE TIME.
- [chanting]
- Sgt. Slaughter: One, two, three, four. Push those buns around the floor. Pull those chin ups, pull 'em high!
- Mario: [chanting] I'd rather be eating pizza pie.
- Sgt. Slaughter: Alright, parade rest!
- Mario: Good idea. You go to the parade.
- Luigi: Right, Sarge. We'll rest.
- Sgt. Slaughter: No! No, you meatballs! It's never gonna work.
- Sgt. Slaughter: Against all odds, I whipped you guys into shape. Now you're gonna go out there and face TORTURE, BRUTALITY, and certain death... for Mom, apple pie, and the flag. What do you say about that, boys?
- [the Mario Brothers have fallen asleep from exhaustion]
- Sgt. Slaughter: This just ain't gonna work.
- [the Mario Brothers are awakened by a telephone ring]
- Luigi: Top secret government spies Mario and Luigi reporting for duty, sir!
- Mario: Torture me and I'll tell ya everything I know.
- Luigi: You'll never find out from me that the money's in the safe, the recipe for the maranara sauce is in the toilet tank, and Mario sucked his thumb until he was 21.
- Toad: [while hiding in a sack] Be careful, Princess. Just be cool.
- Princess Toadstool: [in disguise] We'll sneak you inside and surprise that Koopa fool.
- Flab Boy #1: We're the Flab Boys, hi-dee-ho! This Koopa dude's got to go!
- Flab Boy #2: He trapped King James in his castle. To get him out's gonna be a great big hassle.
- Flab Boy #1: Koopa's bad rap done somethin' to town, but earphones saved us from his sound.
- Mario: Well, let's get snappin' and stop Koopa's rappin'!
- Koopa Troopa: Give me your money, Rap Land lady.
- [takes the sack which Toad is hiding in from the disguised Princess Toadstool, then tosses it in the pile of money, but hears a squeak]
- Koopa Troopa: Somethin's goin' on, somethin' shady.
- King Koopa: [over the speakers] Attention, Troopas! That lady's a fake!
- Princess Toadstool: Uh-oh, boys. We made a mistake.
- [Princess Toadstool and King James are tied together on a giant turntable]
- Princess Toadstool: Koopa, your rap's rotten, just like you!
- King James: Good rap will win before we're through!
- King Koopa: [pulls a lever] Get a grip, you two. You're so, so wrong. I think they're playing my favorite song.
- [as the turntable spins, a giant needle starts lowering itself]
- King Koopa: I got me a Princess and the King of Rap, and they're gonna get the point of my Koopa trap!
- Koopa Troopa: [nervously] Your royal Koopaness, uh, uh, eh...
- King Koopa: [grabs the Troopa] I know! I know! Those faucet freaks got away!
- King Koopa: [over the speakers] I'll get you all and those plumber punks! Then I'll break you up into little bitty chunks!
- Flab Boy #2: Mario, what a dude!
- Flab Boy #1: You sprang Koopa's scheme!
- King James: Now it's time to do a super rap. You know what I mean?
- King Koopa: Troopas, let's split and mount an attack!
- [trips and falls]
- King Koopa: Ooh, that hurt! Oof, ow, ack!
- Mario: Well, Koopa, this time you're through.
- Flab Boy #1, Flab Boy #2: One false move and we'll sit on you!
- King Koopa: I guess you're right, so all I can say...
- [tosses a Magical Potion, which creates a door]
- King Koopa: Now that I've Kooped, I'll run away!
- Princess Toadstool: In the end, Koopa's gone and Rap Land's got a brand new song.
- Flab Boy #1: It's about these dudes who deserve a pat.
- Flab Boy #2: That's why we call it the Mario Rap.