- Crow T. Robot: [as a National Guard just being attacked by a giant cricket] One weekend a month, my ASS!
- Scientist in movie: You know I'm not given to hysteria and you got to listen to me.
- Tom Servo: [hysterically] Ahtheresabunchofgiantcricketsandwereallgonnadie!
- Dr. Forrester: Hello Murray, automata. Say, what's the most popular form of exercise this month, hm? HMM? Well, that's right - the recumbent bike! As I see it, recumbent creators were afraid to make it *too* comfortable. Well, I'M not afraid! TADAH!
- [He reveals a bicycle basically equipped with a bed]
- Dr. Forrester: The ReComfy Bike!
- [Frank enters wearing pyjamas and a bike helmet]
- TV's Frank: Dr. F, could you tuck me in before my ride?
- Dr. Forrester: Of course, Franklin, there you go. Check out the reading lamp, nightstand and goose-down comforter. Of course, we might have to ditch the wheels and the pedals to make room for the ice machine and expresso bar, but...
- TV's Frank: Uh, Dr. F, I can't get it to go.
- Dr. Forrester: Well, try harder you LOAD!
- TV's Frank: Well, there's kind of a lot of stuff here.
- Dr. Forrester: [in whiny voice] Oh, there's kind of a lot of stuff here. Nappy time, don't you think, Frank?
- [forcefully tucks Frank in]
- Dr. Forrester: Back up to you, Margot.
- Scientist in movie: We've been plagued by locusts since biblical times.
- Mike Nelson: You're not funny!
- Dr. Forrester: Enough of your touchy-feely crap, Nelson! Today's movie really gets going about two minutes before the closing credits. It's another Bert I. Gordon pain parade called "The Beginning of the End". And I hope you have health insurance.
- Mike Nelson: Wow. What movie is this. nothing's happening. I think maybe we should call the Mads, what do you think?
- Tom Servo: Well, I guess I wouldn't advise it.
- Crow T. Robot: Yeah, why get them involved.
- Mike Nelson: I mean I think we should just call the Mads.
- Dr. Forrester: [Forrester is excercising and singing] Frank, I could not stop picking at that pan of lemon bars. I ate half the pan. You're so lucky, you could eat anything and not worry.
- TV's Frank: [Frank enters wearing a bathrobe and has his face covered with a beauty mask, eating ice cream, and reading a TV Guide] Oh, I would give anything to have that complexion of yours. Hey, wow! "Vicki" is on!
- [Mike and the bots look shocked]
- Dr. Forrester: You know, Frank. This is exactly what I wanted to do today. Just have the whole day to ourselves.
- TV's Frank: I'm declaring this "National Our Day." Please, do not let me eat all of this.
- Dr. Forrester: Well I shouldn't.
- [Looks up and notices Mike and bots are watching, then runs back to the couch]
- Dr. Forrester: Oh my god, Frank! Switch on a game, switch on a game!
- [Crow and Tom looking open mouthed in horror. Crow's mouth is so wide that Mike closes it up]
- Mike Nelson: So, I guess we can call the Mads. You know what. I don't think we should do that again. We'll be right back.
- Tom Servo: [as Wainright plays a high-frequency sound to test on a grasshopper] It's a long Kathleen Battle aria.