The Red Green Show (TV Series)

Mad About You (1998)

Steve Smith: Red Green

Quotes 

• Red Green : I was in a war. Oh yeah, the big one: the Gasoline Price War of '69. I had lied about my age so I could get a job pumping gas at a Lloyd's Texaco. Then all "shell" broke loose. The Dutchman dropped his price by a nickel. We had to fight back, so we took the big hit and dropped our price down six cents. The war was on. Why, we started handing out hot dogs and balloons just to keep the customers. By the end of August, the entire station was under siege: people parking their cars outside, firing off their horns, screaming for free tumblers and nobody to hold them off except me and one-legged Lloyd. But we did it, and we won, and it made a man out of me. And I guess that explains the stain on my pants.

• Harold Green : You have road rage, Uncle Red. You've got a bad temper. There's no need for it. I don't have a bad temper.

  Red Green : No, you don't, Harold, but you're a carrier.

  Harold Green : Well, you need help, Uncle Red. You really need to get some help for that bad temper of yours.

  Red Green : Oh, I know I do, Harold. And I've tried to get help; I really have - - but I can't find one institution that'll take ya!

• Red Green : So if my wife is watching, I'll be coming straight home after the meeting, and I learned today that the best way to control anger is to be the boss. Of course, you knew that all along, didn't you?

• Harold Green : You have all the symptoms of a person who has to learn how to manage their anger. I can help you with that.

  Red Green : [angrily]  I don't need to manage my anger, I need people to STOP TICKING ME OFF! Why can't people just SMARTEN UP? Give me some space! How about this: why don't they stay indoors when they see me coming?

  Harold Green : It's not them - it's YOU. You can change if you want to.

  Red Green : You sound like my wife, you know that?