- Harold Green: [Introducing the show] Here he is, the small medium, Mr. Lodge, Red Green!
- Red Green: [Entering and waving] Thank you very much and thanks for tuning us in.
- [to Harold]
- Red Green: Small medium? What was that all about?
- Harold Green: Well, you know. Don't you get it? Small, medium, lodge. You know, it's like a dwarf psychic at a resort. Or it could be clothing size: small, medium, lodge.
- Red Green: Yeah, you know, I wish I had an extra lodge. I'd send you into it.
- Harold Green: How much did you pay for the Possum Van?
- Red Green: Nothing, Harold. That was a gift from my parents for graduating from public school. That way, I wouldn't have to borrow my dad's car to drive to junior high.
- Red Green: [singing] Hoein' every hayfield and puttin' them in bales/Pickin' all the peapods and puttin' them in pails/It's time to reap the harvest; we're goin' as fast as we can/Tryin' to get the crops in before the farmer that owns this place comes out and starts shootin' at us.
- Harold Green: [singing] Again.
- [Red is talking about the result of his car pool test, which involves numerous cars duct-taped together]
- Harold Green: I heard you got four traffic tickets!
- Red Green: Well, you're dead wrong, Harold, it was five. And it would've been six, but luckily, Moose was licensed for an 18-wheeler?
- Harold Green: Eighteen? How do you get 18 from five vehicles?
- Red Green: Well, Junior had his motorcycle in there, so it was four fours and a two.
- Harold Green: [Red got five traffic tickets during his car pool test] So explain to me: you got nailed for crossing a median in both shoulders. You got failing to stop at two stop signs - at the same time. And there was driving a train without a track, and, uh... what were the other two?
- Red Green: Having a parade without a permit, and passing on a hill.