- Carrie: [Carrie, wearing a "Fur is Murder" T-shirt, approaches Reese at lunch time] Is it OK if I sit here?
- Reese: This is on a dare, huh? If you get to touch me, I'm OK with that, but I have to approve any photographs.
- Carrie: No, it's just that I couldn't sit and watch kids eating the flesh of murdered animals.
- Reese: Is that the special?
- Craig Feldspar: There's got to be some scenario where you can see us together, please! Anything!
- Lois: Okay, this is the only universe this could possibly exist in. I'm 90 years old. Hal is dead. I have dementia and I need someone to keep me from catching myself on fire. There's no money for a nurse, the kids won't do it, and I'm asleep 22 hours a day. Then and only then maybe could we be together.
- Craig Feldspar: It's like you're reading straight out of my diary.
- Reese: Oh come on, Carrie, you've got to get over this vegetarian hangup. You can't honestly tell me those animals were innocent. They were sent to the slaughterhouse for a reason.
- Cow Judge: You have been found guilty by a jury of your food. I sentence you to be lightly seared and served with a cajun peppercorn sauce.
- Craig Feldspar: You know, I've never been really big on the sissy stuff, So I'd better just haul tush.