- Patrick Star: Opposite Day? Hey, I've heard of that.
- SpongeBob: You have?
- Patrick Star: No, what is it?
- Patrick: [Crazy] If I can't have you as a friend, I'm gonna make you a trophy. I even picked out this nice jar for you.
- Sandy Cheeks: Hey, SpongeBob. Whatcha doing? Are you having a garage sale?
- SpongeBob: No. I'm giving up my material possessions to live a more natural life among the jellyfish.
- Sandy Cheeks: SpongeBob, Of all the crazy schemes. Why do you want to live with jellyfish? They're cold and mean and none too bright.
- SpongeBob: Oh, Sandy. That is exactly the kind of response I expect from someone who lives the sham of a life I once led. I'm going to prove I don't need any of this stuff to be happy. Maybe someday you'll wise up and join me. Goodbye.
- [Takes off pants]
- SpongeBob: I won't be needing this.
- [Runs off naked, buzzing]
- Squidward: He took off his pants.
- Sandy Cheeks: I'll give him a week.
- Squidward: I'll give him eleven minutes.
- [They both leave; Patrick stays behind]
- Patrick Star: [Crying] Patrick sad!
- [SpongeBob appears on the horizon]
- Sandy Cheeks: Here, Patrick. Have a Krabby Patty.
- [whispers]
- Sandy Cheeks: Psst. There he is Patrick, say your line.
- Patrick: [picks up paper] Why thank you, Sandy. Take Patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy this. These are his favorite.
- [on the verge of tears]
- Patrick: Take bite.
- Patrick Star: [as Spongebob tries to hide] I can see you there! I still see you! You're gonna look good on my mantle! Friends forever Spongebob
- [Spongebob hides underneath a N-shaped rock and checks for Patrick, then catches his breath until he realizes Patrick's above him with a evil look]
- Patrick Star: I got you now Spongebob!
- SpongeBob: [as Patrick comes down] Patrick! NO!
- [Patrick crashes, missing him]
- SpongeBob: Hello, Squidward. Oops... I mean, goodbye, Squidward. Aw, isn't Opposite Day... terrible?
- SpongeBob: Aha! I understand everything now. I must be the opposite of SpongeBob by being...
- [Pulls on his nose to make it droopy and ties his belt around his head]
- SpongeBob: ...Squidward.
- Patrick Star: Hey, I wanna be opposite too.
- [SpongeBob puts a fake nose on Patrick]
- Patrick Star: Yeah, finally! I'm Squidward! I'm Squidward! Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
- SpongeBob: Patrick, it's not enough to look like Squidward to be opposite.
- SpongeBob: [speaks like Squidward] You have to act like him, too. Boy, oh, boy. Do I like playing the clarinet. I practice and practice all day long, but I never get any better. Now you try it.
- Patrick Star: Okay.
- [Takes deep breath]
- Patrick Star: I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary! It's Opposite Day and I'm - Walk, don't run - and I'm going to - Opposite. Opposite - I'm just going to crawl into bed and do nothing all day. Too bad it only comes once a year. Huh, Gary?
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary! Where's your holiday spirit?
- Gary: Woof.
- Sandy Cheeks: [Placing bets on how long it will take Spongebob to become discouraged by the jellyfish] I give him a week.
- Squidward: I give him eleven minutes.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you wouldn't last one day in the wild.
- [Points to kitchen]
- Mr. Krabs: This is your natural habitat.
- [Points to stove]
- Mr. Krabs: This is your wide-open range.
- [Points to deep fryers]
- Mr. Krabs: These are your amber waves.
- [Takes a spatula out of the sink]
- Mr. Krabs: And this... oh, this is your golden scepter with which you rule! Now that's better than nasty old jellyfish. Right, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: [repeated line; after a disasterous day living in the jellyfish fields; dejectedly] Buzz, Buzz...
- SpongeBob: [after a rough day in Jellyfish fields, a depressed and naked SpongeBob goes back to Bikini Bottom; repeated line; dolefully] Buzz, buzz...
- Real Estate Agent: What kind of fool do you take me for? He's Squidward, he's Squidward, YOU'RE Squidward? I'M SQUIDWARD! Are they any other Squidwards I should know about?