- Eleanor 'The Weeper': [to Austin, in recap footage from the previous episode] You can take your pearl necklace and your half-hearted locket and shove it up your ***.
- Derek Newcastle 'The Pompous Host': [voiceover] Did he? Find out now on "Joe Schmo 2."
- Cammy 'The Moron': All right, let's see Amanda's - - Amanda does a really good impression of Derek.
- Amanda Naughton - Jane Schmo: [imitating Derek Newcastle] Your lives are going to be over after this evening if you're sent from this house. You can pretty much guarantee that you will have no point in living anymore. Let's get on with the ceremony. Cheers everyone. Smiles.
- Bryce 'The Stalker': [regarding Everett the frog] You killed him by giving him a donut?
- Cammy 'The Moron': It was a maple bar. I love maple bars.
- T.J. 'The Playah': No, birds eat frogs. I don't care.
- Bryce 'The Stalker': No, I care! Because it was not a frog, it was a human ****ing being! It was my pet! You killed it!