- [Dream sequence: "Doctor" Gilligan is on trial, accused of being Mr. Hyde. Mary Ann is a coarse "Eliza Dolittle" type appearing as character witness]
- Mary Ann Summers: Just a poor cockney flower girl, that's all Ah is! But Ah owes *everything* to Doctor Gilligan. 'E taught me to *walk*, and to *talk*, and to *dress*, like a regular LADY! 'E give me real CLASS 'e did!
- [blows nose loudly]
- Professor Roy Hinkley: [as the prosecutor] This my lord, is the lady in red, a woman who is a good friend of doctor Gilligan's, when he is Mr. Hyde.
- Gilligan: Lies, lies. I never saw that woman before.
- Thurston Howell III: [as the judge] Then you've missed plenty, buster
- [Looking down at Ginger's legs]
- Thurston Howell III: .
- [to Ginger, who is on the witness stand]
- Thurston Howell III: Alright, tell the story in your own words, my dear. And, I'll see you right after the hanging. I think I love you.
- Ginger Grant: Alright sugar bear, but first, let me say that he is Mr. Hyde. He's Doctor Gilligan until he sees food. The minute he sees food he goes wild; he becomes a madman. He becomes Mr. Hyde. Now, let's talk about us
- [looking lovingly at Judge Howell]
- Ginger Grant: .
- Gilligan: Lies, lies, lies. Unmitigated, balderdash, and poppycock. Ooh, did you tell a fib.
- Ginger Grant: Did not.
- Gilligan: Did too, did too.
- Ginger Grant: Did not, did not.
- Gilligan: Did too, did too.
- Ginger Grant: Did not, did not.
- Thurston Howell III: Order, order, order
- [as he pounds his gavel]
- Thurston Howell III: . Let's get to the truth in this matter. Doctor Gilligan, you may cross examine the lady in red. Let me know if he gets fresh
- [making kissing sounds to Ginger]
- Thurston Howell III: .
- Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [Speaking to Gilligan after Gilligan has accidentally fallen into the munitions pit with the clothesline which will allow the castaways to climb out] You didn't kill us. Little buddy you just saved us!
- Jonas 'The Skipper' Grumby: [as the bailiff] Order in the court, the trial is now in session, his honor Lord Anthony Armstrong, hanging. All rise.
- Thurston Howell III: [as the judge] Ladies and gentlemen, members of the jury, friends, and relatives. Now the case before us is one of crime and murder, therefore I must caution you to withhold judgment until all the facts are in, therefore we must assume that Doctor Gilligan is innocent until proven guilty.
- [pause]
- Thurston Howell III: Where is the filthy killer?
- Mrs. Lovey Howell: [as Doctor Gilligan's attorney] The filthy killer is right here, your honor.
- Gilligan: I object, I object, I most strenuously object.
- Mrs. Lovey Howell: You can't object to me.
- Gilligan: I can.
- Mrs. Lovey Howell: You can't.
- Gilligan: I can.
- Mrs. Lovey Howell: You can't.
- Gilligan: Drat, she has as many can't's as I have can's.