It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)
Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare (2006)
Kaitlin Olson: Dee Reynolds
Photos
Quotes
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Crack Dealer : Whatchu need?
Dennis Reynolds : Uh, one please.
Crack Dealer : One what?
Dennis Reynolds : Uh, one... rock of crack... A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?
Dee Reynolds : Um, how much would you recommend for a first time user?
Crack Dealer : Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. Two for the price of one.
Dee Reynolds : Really? Oh, that's very nice of you.
Dennis Reynolds : Oh, that sounds good. How much?
Crack Dealer : 200 dollars?
Dennis Reynolds : Sounds reasonable, great. Okay.
[slides money through window]
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Frank Reynolds : Charlie, you've got a lot of balls stealing my money. This shows leadership. I am promoting you to management.
Charlie Kelly : That's why I did it. That is why I did it.
Mac : That's why I did it too, Frank! I stole lots of your money, what do I get?
Frank Reynolds : You get dick, because you are a follower and a thief.
Dee Reynolds : How come Charlie...? Not fair... How come Charlie...?
Dennis Reynolds : Why would you do this to us, Dad?
Frank Reynolds : Because you are crackheads, children.
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Sweet Dee : Well, we'll just go back to work for a little while.
Dennis : Just for a little while until we have enough money to buy some more crack.
Sweet Dee : And then we'll go on welfare and I'll go be a star.
Dennis : And then I can be a veterinarian of some kind...
Sweet Dee : Maybe we should think about rehab.
Dennis : We should hit rehab as soon as possible.
Sweet Dee : Soon, in a couple days. Not now.
Dennis : Yeah...
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Dennis Reynolds : [going to buy crack to get on welfare] Okay, we'll smoke a little bit. Just enough to get it into our system.
Dee Reynolds : Yeah, and then we'll go to the doctor and we'll get all of our paperwork and we'll get full benefits.
Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, and then we'll just collect for just a little while, until we get settled. And then, uh, I'll take the MCATs.
Dee Reynolds : And I'll move to New York. Perfect.
[notices crack dealer outside car]
Dee Reynolds : Ahh!
Dennis Reynolds : Ohh! My God! Whew.
Dee Reynolds : Jesus!
Dennis Reynolds : Wow, you scared us. Oh, not 'cause you're black. No, no, no, we're not racist.
Dee Reynolds : No, no, God no.
Dennis Reynolds : No, it's just that the neighborhood is scary...
Dee Reynolds : If you were another ethnicity you'd pop, you'd really pop up.
Dennis Reynolds : But it's a nice neighborhood, I mean, it's okay... It's the nature of this...
Crack Dealer : Roll your window down.
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[repeated line]
Dee Reynolds : Later, boners.