- Carol Jackson: What you got there, Dave? A guitar?
- Dave: What, this old thing? Bit of a music evening tonight.
- Carol Jackson: You can strum me any time.
- Melanie Dickson: If music be the food of love, I'll give you a handjob behind the science building.
- Carol Jackson: You can pluck my G-String.
- Melanie Dickson: Yeah, that'd work. If you didn't wear such massive pants.
- Iqbal: [reading a report on the school] Wow, "less than satisfactory". We is coming up in the world.
- Iqbal: [burying the monkey replacement teachers] It's been a long time since we've buried so many teachers, isn't it?
- Natella: What did you think? Give me your honest opinion.
- Keisha Marie: You were shit. Shitter than shit. You were so shit, it made me want to block up my ears with shit. And eat some shit. And then do a shit.
- Natella: Right. Latrina?
- Latrina: Shit.
- Natella: For my talents to be truly appreciated, I require a more sophisticated audience.
- Keisha Marie: I agree. If by 'sophisticated', you mean 'deaf'.
- Dave: If you'll excuse me, here comes the bigger helicopter that my helicopter travels on, so its blades don't get dusty.
- Martin Jackson: I've sold my book! You'll never need to know anything I taught you! And you're all idiots! Especially Keisha.
- Keisha Marie: Heh heh, he picked me.
- Leonora: It's been decided that you should go to a special school.
- Keisha Marie: Yes!
- Leonora: A school for the exceptionally challenged. Do you understand what that means?
- Keisha Marie: What do you reckon?
- Leonora: Which bit don't you understand?
- Keisha Marie: Exceptionally
- Leonora: Well, that means very.
- Keisha Marie: And challenged?
- Leonora: That means stupid. So, I could've said, we're sending you to a school for the very stupid.
- Keisha Marie: Yes!