- Daniel Radcliffe: [whispering] Have you still got that that catsuit from The Avengers?
- Diana Rigg: Go away, Daniel.
- Warwick: [after Andy has hit on his fiancé] What do you think I've got this ring for!
- Andy Millman: I don't know, you're a hobbit?
- Daniel Radcliffe: [Taking off his glasses and speaking to Maggie] Oh, God, I've still got these on. I - I don't need these. They're just for the character. Even if I did need glasses in real life, you know, I - I never read.
- Daniel Radcliffe: [about Maggie] Alright when she gets back, make up some excuse and leave, okay?
- Andy Millman: Why what have you got planned?
- [Daniel pulls out a condom]
- Andy Millman: You... unravelled it then?
- Daniel Radcliffe: Yep. Ready for action. I just hope its big enough.
- Darren Lamb: Annoyingly, they didn't go with the 'giving the kid an Xbox' angle.
- Andy Millman: What angle did they go with then?
- Darren Lamb: [holding up a newspaper] "TV bully kicks dwarf in face."
- Andy Millman: Accurate. But, as you say, there's no such thing as bad publicity, is there?
- Darren Lamb: [reading another newspaper headline] "Pick on someone your own size fatty."
- Andy Millman: Oh, I guess there is.
- Darren Lamb: Oh look, this is the worst one. "Suicide Bombers get lotto funding."
- Andy Millman: What's that got to do with me?
- Darren Lamb: Nothing... I mean, it's just shocking, isn't it?
- [Andy sighs]
- Darren Lamb: Look at this one... "Gypsies are eating our pets".
- Daniel Radcliffe: [after his condom has landed on Dame Diana Rigg's head] Can I have my johnny back?
- Diana Rigg: MAY I have my johnny back?
- Daniel Radcliffe: May I have my johnny back?
- Diana Rigg: Please.
- Daniel Radcliffe: Yeah.
- Diana Rigg: Not called a johnny though, is it?
- Daniel Radcliffe: Durex?
- Diana Rigg: No, that's a brand name. May I have back my prophylactic, or sheath?
- Daniel Radcliffe: May I have my prophyac...
- Diana Rigg: Tic.
- Daniel Radcliffe: Prophylactic. Can I have it please?
- Diana Rigg: Yes.
- [hands condom to Daniel]
- Diana Rigg: Excuse me. Haven't you forgotten something?
- Daniel Radcliffe: Oh... Thank you, Dame Diana.
- [puts it in his pocket]
- Andy Millman: Still going to use it then?
- Daniel Radcliffe: Yeah, it'll be fine.
- Andy Millman: Lucky girl.