- Gene Cooper: I need to talk to your mother right now, Noah.
- Noah Cooper: She's staying the night here, so uh, you'll have to talk to her tomorrow.
- Marilyn Cooper: Don't bet on it!
- [falls to the ground]
- Gene Cooper: She just fell didn't she.
- Noah Cooper: Yeah.
- Donnie Booker: Am I running a telethon here? The fit ones make it and the slow ones don't. Darwin said that and I'm sticking to it.
- Noah Cooper: Is there anything else I should know about? Any other lies?
- Marilyn Cooper: You wet the bed until you were six, the noise in your closet at night really was a ghost, and you were held back two times in the first grade.
- Noah Cooper: I'm thirty-one?
- Marilyn Cooper: Thirty-two.
- Marilyn Cooper: I'd like to bring the room down a minute and dedicate this next song to my very special son, Noah. He fired me from the best job I ever had, but I never accomplished much in life anyway, so it really doesn't matter if my husband f*@#s another woman. And I murdered a rat. Hit it, Lou.
- Marilyn Cooper: Can you pass the ketchup, Myrelle?
- Myron Stubbs: It's Myron.
- Marilyn Cooper: Oh. I kind of like Myrelle better. It reminds me of Gone With the Wind. Normally black movies don't hold my attention, but I liked that one. And I like The Jeffersons.
- Marilyn Cooper: What do you do, Myron?
- Myron Stubbs: I'm a screenwriter.
- Marilyn Cooper: Oh, really? How interesting.
- Myron Stubbs: I'm working on a sci-fi horror set in the jungles of Vietnam. Lt. Tom Dawson gets infected by Agent Orange-infused malaria, then mutates into a violent but misunderstood creature driven to insanity by the horrors of herbicidal warfare. My original title was Mansquito, but that's already taken, so my working title is PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Destroyer. It's sort of Platoon meets The Fly.
- Noah Cooper: Sounds like it'll really capture the authentic Vietnam experience.
- Myron Stubbs: But with a sci-fi hook, exactly. Half Commando... Half Mosquito... Total Terror.