- Dwight Schrute: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.
- Ryan Howard: I don't think you know what you're saying.
- Dwight Schrute: [after Ryan gulps down a beer] Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
- Ryan Howard: [Stares into the camera] I think about that all the time.
- Dwight Schrute: Brain teaser: I have two coins, totaling 15 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are they?
- Ryan Howard: A dime and a nickel.
- Dwight Schrute: No. I said one of them is not a nickel.
- Ryan Howard: But the other one is. I've heard that before.
- Dwight Schrute: Okay. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, "There's no way I can operate on this boy, because he's my..."
- Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] "Because he's my son." The doctor is the boy's mother.
- Dwight Schrute: A man is found hanging from the ceiling...
- Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself and the ice melted.
- Dwight Schrute: A hunter...
- Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] It's a polar bear, because you're at the North Pole.
- Dwight Schrute: Damn it!
- Karen Filippelli: [squeaking chair to annoy Jim into giving up his chair, Jim smirks and begins to sing "Lovefool" by the Cardigans] Stop. This is not fair. It's gonna be in my head all day. Please. This is not a proportionate response.
- Michael Scott: Productivity is important, but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So, I'm just gonna have my soft pretzel, I'll get to work and I'm gonna be super-productive. Look out for me!
- Stanley Hudson: I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive. And then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day... well, I like pretzel day.
- [Michael has made it to the front of the pretzel day line]
- Michael Scott: Hi, please tell me you have a sweet pretzel left.
- Pretzel Vendor: We do.
- Michael Scott: Thank God.
- Pretzel Vendor: And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&Ms, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallows, nuts, toffee nuts, coconut, peanut butter drizzle, Oreo, sprinkles, cotton candy bits and powdered sugar.
- Michael Scott: Is there any way that you could do all of them?
- Pretzel Vendor: The works. You got it.
- Michael Scott: All right! Thank you.
- [smiles]
- Pam Beesly: It's weird. Jan used to treat Michael like he was a 10-year old, but lately, it's like he's 5.
- Pam Beesly: Jan's making me keep a log of everything Michael does all day.
- Jim Halpert: Wow... Do you think you could send me a copy of that?