- Vera Stone: There's a lot more to you than you think.
- Jack Morton: Like what?
- Vera Stone: Well, for centuries, the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose has been awaiting the fulfillment of a prophecy of a chosen one to lead them from the darkness, and I think that you, Jack Morton, are that chosen one.
- Hamish Duke: We'll find the... stuff.
- Randall Carpio: We better find the... stuff.
- Gabrielle Dupres: What are you two morons looking for?
- Hamish Duke, Randall Carpio: Nothing.
- Gabrielle Dupres: Fine. I don't care anyway.
- Hamish Duke: You totally care.
- Randall Carpio: You care so hard.
- Hamish Duke, Gabrielle Dupres: "So fucking hard."
- Randall Carpio: Whoa, Silence of the Lambs.
- Gabrielle Dupres: You know, just because I saved your ass doesn't make us BFFs.
- Randall Carpio: Doesn't make us NOT BFFs.
- Xavier: You know, don't take it personally. After thirty-five years in isolation, everyone looks like an enemy.
- Alyssa Drake: [undergoing painful withdrawal symptoms] Who are you?
- Jack Morton: It's me, Jack. We fight, we kiss, we fight we fight, we kiss.
- Alyssa Drake: Jack.
- Randall Carpio: This is the worst stakeout car ever.
- Hamish Duke: We might as well be driving a spaceship.
- Gabrielle Dupres: Probably because I didn't choose it for stakeouts.
- Hamish Duke: No, you chose it because it's the most expensive.
- Gabrielle Dupres: [speaking of magical knowledge] Sharing the wealth is so gross. My ancestors worked hard so I wouldn't have to.
- Randall Carpio: [in taking down bad witches] It's our job.
- Gabrielle Dupres: Spoiling the fun for the rest of us?
- Randall Carpio: Is that what you call "hunting us down?" Hm? Stabbing Hamish, torturing people?
- Gabrielle Dupres: That's obligation, dumbass.