- [Bernie is a hung-over patient who is yelling to God that he's going to die]
- Dr. Kevin Moretti: [over the loudspeaker] Bernie, this is God! Hurry it up already!
- [Frank is looking up the genealogy of everyone in the ER]
- Frank Martin: Hey Pratt, mazel tov!
- Dr. Gregory Pratt: You having a stroke, Frank?
- Frank Martin: Did you know that your great-great-great-grandmother on your mother's side was an Ethiopian Jew?
- Dr. Archie Morris: Wow, black and Jewish. You're like County's own Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: Hi. I got some magazines. And your favorite, gummy worms.
- Dr. Neela Rasgotra: [not paying attention] Thank you.
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: And um, and Brad Pitt. He's outside. He's over Angelina and the whole adoption thing, and he wants you.
- Dr. Lucien Dubenko: [to Abby] You think after years of doing this, you start to get a handle on people. The reality is, everybody lies and manipulates to get what they want.
- Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Any trouble voiding?
- Dr. Neela Rasgotra: No, my Foley's out.
- Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Are you still passing gas?
- Dr. Lucien Dubenko: Would you stop, Dusty? I think she's been through enough already.
- Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: No going home until Neela makes a poo-poo.
- Frank Martin: What the heck is speed dating?
- Dr. Archie Morris: It's a way for losers to meet other losers fast.
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: Ma'am, what brings you here today?
- Woman in waiting room: I'm here for the air. County air is very therapeutic.
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: Okay... so you don't want to see a doctor or anything? You're just here to...
- Woman in waiting room: Breathe.
- Dr. Abby Lockhart: Right. Knock yourself out.
- Nurse Samantha Taggart: A toast: to meeting nice guys.
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: To falling in love.
- Nurse Dawn Archer: To sex without batteries.
- Joshua Lipnicki: [to Gates] Looks like the boss lady ripped you a new one.
- Tony Gates: Oh, you're too young to know what flirting looks like.