The Office (TV Series)

Women's Appreciation (2007)

Steve Carell: Michael Scott

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Scott : Let's face it. Most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.

• Michael Scott : Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall, and I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela a heart and for Kelly a brain. "Michael. How can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.

• Karen Filippelli : What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.

  Michael Scott : Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.

  Karen Filippelli : I'm saying that you're being sexist.

  Michael Scott : No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.

  Karen Filippelli : That's the same thing.

  Phyllis Lapin : Michael.

  Michael Scott : Yes.

  Phyllis Lapin : When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.

  Michael Scott : Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.

  Angela : And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.

  Michael Scott : I have to know whether you're serious or not.

• Michael Scott : My point is... A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

  Dwight Schrute : "Alien."

  [makes monster noise] 

• Michael Scott : Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.

  Meredith Palmer : I don't remember doing that!

  Angela : What a surprise.

• Michael Scott : [Michael has just finished writing a pros and cons list about Jan]  Done.

  Pam Beesley : Read the pros first.

  Michael Scott : Ok, Jan is smart, uh, successful, good clothes, hot, perfect skin, nice butt.

  Phyllis Lapin : She does have very nice clothes.

  Karen Filippelli : Ok, ok, uhm... cons.

  Michael Scott : Cons: wears too much make up; breasts, not anything to write home about, insecure about body, I'm unhappy when I'm with her, flat-chested...

  Pam Beesley : What was the last one?

  Michael Scott : She's totally flat, shrunken chesticles.

  Phyllis Lapin : No, the one before that.

  Michael Scott : I'm unhappy when I'm with her.

  Pam Beesley : [pause]  Michael, you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.

  Michael Scott : I'm happy sometimes. Uhm... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.

  Karen Filippelli : Look, most relationships have their rough patches, you just have to push through it sometimes.

  Michael Scott : Man, that's smart.

  Pam Beesley : Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.

  Michael Scott : That sounds good too.

  [Pam and Karen look at each other, and the latter acts uncomfortable] 

  Michael Scott : I don't know who's right. I just, I don't know. I don't know.

  Phyllis Lapin : I bet you know, don't think, just answer, what you wanna do about Jan?

  Michael Scott : I wanna break up with Jan.

  [Realizes his answer] 

  Michael Scott : Wow! I wanna break up with Jan.

  Phyllis Lapin : [Everybody smiles]  My mom taught me that.

• Pam Beesly : Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.

  Michael Scott : Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing.

  [pause] 

  Michael Scott : I don't know, maybe we're different people, I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.

  Pam Beesly : Oh my God.

  Michael Scott : Argh... and then watching it back right afterwards to improve my form.

  Karen Filippelli : That is not healthy behaviour.

  Michael Scott : No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.

  Pam Beesly : Michael, you need to get out of this.

  Michael Scott : No, she's just fooling around. It's a woman thing.

  Pam Beesly : No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad.

  [There's a short pause and then Michael starts crying] 

• Michael Scott : Phyllis, you say? Hmm.

  [suppressed laugher] 

  Angela : What is so funny?

  Michael Scott : Um... I mean, did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?

  Kevin Malone : [looks at Karen's butt]  I'm guessing not.

• Michael Scott : Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.

  Karen Filippelli : It's a pretty common one.

  Michael Scott : I just - I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.

• Michael Scott : [shouting eagerly]  Show us your penis!