The Office (TV Series)

Dunder Mifflin Infinity (2007)

Steve Carell: Michael Scott

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Scott : [having just learned Jim and Pam are an item]  My heart soars with the eagle's nest.

• Michael Scott : Look, why do we, as a society, hate old people so much?

  Creed Bratton : Because they're lame.

• Michael Scott : Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on, which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now, and I have to seem like an ogre, but you know me and you trust me and we like each other, and we'll always be friends and I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man, and I love you." His words.

• Michael Scott : I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.

• Michael Scott : Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.

• Aaron Grandy : [seeing Michael and Dwight soaking wet]  What happened to you guys?

  Michael Scott : Give it back. The gift basket. Give it back.

  Aaron Grandy : Oh, what is this?

  Dwight Schrute : It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.

  Aaron Grandy : Maybe you should leave.

  Michael Scott : Yeah, maybe we should. Maybe we should leave.

  [to Dwight] 

  Michael Scott : Come on, let's leave. But before we leave, my wet friend and I are gonna wait for our cabs on your nice couches!

  [he sits on a couch, intentionally getting water all over it] 

  Dwight Schrute : [sarcastically]  Could you call us a cab, please? I'm gonna...

  [he squeezes his jacket sleeve, getting water all over the couch] 

  Dwight Schrute : Oh, sorry.

  Michael Scott : Look, my clothes are so wet.

  Dwight Schrute : Nice leather.

  [scraping his shoes on the couch] 

  Dwight Schrute : Oh, my shoes are so muddy.

  Aaron Grandy : [puts the gift basket on the table]  All right, here you go. Take it back!

  Michael Scott : It's been opened.

  Aaron Grandy : Yeah, it was mine.

  Michael Scott : What's missing? The turtles... Where are the turtles? Where are the turtles?

  Aaron Grandy : Come on, guys, get outta here!

  Michael Scott : [screams]  WHERE ARE THE TURTLES? WHERE ARE THEY?

  Dwight Schrute : [to the office]  Excuse me, I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with pecans, and we will not be leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The. Turtles. Now!

• Michael Scott : [welcoming back Ryan]  Look how big he is. Look at you. You are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man.

  Kevin Malone : Little old man-boy.

• GPS : Make a right turn.

  [Michael starts to turn right] 

  Dwight Schrute : Wait, wait, no no no, it means "bear right." Up there.

  Michael Scott : No, it said right. It said take a right.

  Dwight Schrute : No, no. Look, it means go up to the right -- bear right -- over the bridge, and hook up with 307.

  GPS : Make a right turn.

  Michael Scott : Maybe it's a shortcut, Dwight. It said go to the right.

  [he turns right] 

  Dwight Schrute : It can't mean that, there's a lake there!

  GPS : Proceed straight.

  Michael Scott : I think it knows where it is going.

  Dwight Schrute : This is the lake! THIS IS THE LAKE!

  Michael Scott : The machine knows! Stop yelling at me! Stop yelling!

  Dwight Schrute : NO! IT'S UP THERE! THERE'S NO ROAD HERE!

  [It's too late. Michael drives right into the lake] 

  Dwight Schrute : Remain calm, I have trained for this!

  [he unbuckles his seat belt] 

  Dwight Schrute : Okay. Exit the window! Here we go!

  [Dwight and Michael climb out the windows] 

  GPS : Make a u-turn, if possible.

• [Michael interrupts Phyllis, Angela, and Pam as they're preparing Ryan's welcome-back party] 

  Michael Scott : [as Phyllis and Angela put up a banner]  Can you make that straighter? That's what she said.

  Phyllis Lapin : Did you plan that?

  Michael Scott : [as he looks at his notes]  No.

  Pam Beesly : [Pam grabs and reads off the notes]  "Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that." How can you even use that one naturally?

  Michael Scott : Blowing up balloons, I thought.

  Pam Beesly : "You might want to trim it a little"?

  Angela Martin : Michael...

• Michael Scott : May I have your attention, please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.

  Ryan Howard : That is not correct.

  Michael Scott : Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well, guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.

  Oscar Martinez : You did what?

  Michael Scott : I drove my car... into a fucking lake!

• Michael Scott : What have we learned? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Because it's illegal.

• Michael Scott : I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.