The Office (TV Series)

Launch Party (2007)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dwight Schrute : I've seen this kid before. He's one of the kids that sneaks onto my farm and steals my hemp.

  Delivery Kid : Yeah, I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed.

• Michael Scott : I kidnapped a kid.

  Dwight Schrute : You had to. What other choice did you have?

  Michael Scott : I could have paid for the pizza.

  Dwight Schrute : Well, yeah.

• Andy Bernard : [about Angela]  I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?

  Dwight Schrute : I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with.

  Andy Bernard : Isn't that part of the fun?

  Dwight Schrute : No. I think you should date Kelly.

  Andy Bernard : She works here, too. How is that any different?

  Dwight Schrute : She works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby.

• Dwight Schrute : I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.

  Angela Martin : Waste of time.

  Michael Scott : What's that, pipsqueak?

  Angela Martin : Waste of time. The website's going to win.

  Dwight Schrute : You believe a computer can beat me?

  Angela Martin : I don't care, but yes.

  Dwight Schrute : Well, I will prove you wrong.

  Angela Martin : I don't care, and you won't.

  Dwight Schrute : You'll see.

  Angela Martin : I won't be watching, and I won't.

• Andy Bernard : And then I will say something positive like "Kudos," or "Job well done."

  Jim Halpert : Or, "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!"

  Andy Bernard : I can't tell if he's mocking me.

  Dwight Schrute : Just ignore him.

  Andy Bernard : I can't do that. It's really hard for me to let things go.

  Jim Halpert : I was mocking.

  Andy Bernard : Thank you.

  Dwight Schrute : I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.

  Andy Bernard : Yes! Like a chime or a bell.

  Jim Halpert : Or a gong.

• Dwight Schrute : [Irate that Kelly is buying from the computer that he is competing with]  What're you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts!

  Kelly Kapoor : But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says 'Thanks for shopping at Dunder Mifflin!'

  Dwight Schrute : Damn it, Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did!

  Darryl Philbin : Who knows?

  Dwight Schrute : [Snatches ream of paper from Darryl and yells at Kelly]  Return it! Return it now!

  Darryl Philbin : [Snatches the ream back]  Hey! How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over five hundred sheets of paper you get back to your desk, start sellin' multiple reams, like a man.

  Dwight Schrute : Y-you don't understand. Okay, if this makes the difference

  [points at the ream of paper] 

  Dwight Schrute : I'm gonna tell it that YOU were responsible.

  Darryl Philbin : [with a threatening voice]  Who's "it"?

• [after getting instant messages from "the website"] 

  Dwight Schrute : It appears that website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please, that computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

• Dwight Schrute : I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.

• Michael Scott : There's only one place to get authentic New York-style sushi.

  Dwight Schrute : Tokyo?

• [Dwight suspects the new website has become self-aware through instant messages Pam is sending] 

  Dwight Schrute : [typing]  How do I know this isn't Jim?

  Pam Beesly : [typing]  What is a Jim?

• Michael Scott : Are you ready to give me my discount now?

  Delivery Kid : No.

  Michael Scott : Ok, what have you been doing in here this whole time?

  Delivery Kid : What kind of business is this?

  Dwight Schrute : We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world.

  Michael Scott : Alright, Dwight, knock it off.

  [to the delivery kid] 

  Michael Scott : You better think about what you're doing, young man.

  Delivery Kid : You better think about what you're doing.

  Michael Scott : No! I'm an adult, I don't have to think or do anything. You're a kid, you're a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he's better than everybody else. Because he's some hot shot, and you don't know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk.

  Delivery Kid : Sales?

  Michael Scott : Yes, sales, you sell pizza, last time I checked that's called sales.

  Delivery Kid : You're such a loser.

  Dwight Schrute : What did you just call him?

  Delivery Kid : A loser.

  Dwight Schrute : What did you say?

  Delivery Kid : A loser.