Californication (TV Series)

Hell-A Woman (2007)

David Duchovny: Hank Moody

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hank Moody : Hell-A Magazine blog number 1. Hank hates you all. A few things I've learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One, a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. Two, I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And 3, while I'm down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I'm not talking about a huge 70's Playboy bush or anything. Just something that reminds me that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is why is the city of angels so hell bent on destroying it's female population.

• Hank Moody : [looking in bathroom mirror]  Nobody likes you, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.

• Hank Moody : A few things I've learned in my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

• [about a painting] 

  Hank Moody : What the fuck is that?

  Bill Lewis : Oh, you like it? I could have bought a car instead.

  Hank Moody : I think you should still buy the car and then run over whoever created that turd.

• Hank Moody : First of all, you could not handle me hitting it off with somebody right in front of you.

  Karen : Oh, you're right. It could be very painful, but I think I'll get through it.

  Hank Moody : Okay, so I take this to mean that the answer is 'no', that you're not going to marry me.

  Bill Lewis : Hank, I'm standing right here.

• Hank Moody : Well, your breasts are obviously real... and... eh... you have an abundance of pubic hair, which is really nice and... eh... there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. I'd say, aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long, long time.

• Charlie Runkle : Have you heard about Hell-A magazine?

  Hank Moody : Hell-No.

• Karen : Did you ever stop and think that it might be nice for Rebecca to see us all get along for a change?

  Hank Moody : Well yes, and it might be nice if I could fellate myself while farting The White Album but I haven't been able to quite master that yet.

• Hank Moody : Kiss my black ass.

• Hank Moody : It could be worse.

  Sonja : Really, how so?

  Hank Moody : Well instead of finding out that your husband was gay, you could've found out that he was a... scientologist.

  Sonja : I'm a scientologist, Hank.

  Hank Moody : ...or a Nazi?

• Hank Moody : [as shapely Mia surfaces in the pool]  Jesus H. Christ!

  Mia Lewis : [gets out of the water, shows off bikini and curves]  Nope. Just little old me. Are you okay? You look a little pale. You're not gonna have a heart attack, are you? You are getting on in years.

  Hank Moody : Just because I'm older than you, doesn't necessarily make me old.

  Mia Lewis : Well, I'm sixteen, you know.

  Hank Moody : So I've been told.

  Mia Lewis : What's the word for that again? Oh, yeah, it's statutory rape.

  [chuckles] 

  Hank Moody : That's two words.